I read a quote by a famous dating coach that I liked. He said “Cold approach is the world series of pick- up”, i.e. it is the hardest way to get the girl and once you get good at it, it unlocks everything below that.
While some crossover certainly exists between day/ night game and social circle game, there are also some unique distinctions that make these methods very different – one of those differences being the importance of finesse.
In cold approach, particularly night game, achieving social dominance can be simple in concept. Being louder, being more interesting or simply talking more are all ways to behave in a more dominant or ‘alpha’ way, One reason this can work in cold approach is because you are demonstrating several attractive characteristics, one of these being the willingness to take risks.
Being loud and the centre of attention is a risk – you are putting yourself out there, which can make people like you (e.g. “He’s so interesting”, “I like this guy” or “He’s awesome”) however it can also evoke a dislike towards you too (e.g. “He tries too hard”, “Is this guy serious?” and “He’s weird”)
In cold approach, more dominant/ ‘alpha’ behaviour can work very well, but what if you’re in a social circle with people you are going to see again/ want to see again? In these situations, the high-risk “blow me or blow me out” angle isn’t the best. So how do you become a leader or an alpha male? In other words, how do you achieve social dominance? In a comprehensive article on Social Circle Mastery, Mr. M highlights a couple of effective ways to do this:
1. Align with pre-existing alpha males of the group.
This is the most powerful way to be amongst the leadership of men. If you can align with the top guys in the tree, everyone else is going to like you, trust you and most importantly, respect you.
2. Show that you are already a leader in a separate social circle that has a relatively higher perceived value than this group.
One sure thing that will blow your chances in a social circle is being perceived as a value leech, or someone who is taking from the group without giving something back (value, social connections or good emotions). Being a leader in other high value social circles makes you a connector.
3. Bring good emotions to the group.
This is a great way to form social alliances, but keep in mind it takes time and energy to connect with people. Some may not like you straight away but in social circles it pays to be in more of a ‘farming’ mindset than a ‘hunting’ one. The golden rule is: Respect first, popularity second.
People align with, respond to and are attracted to value. The three points above are your fastest track to generating value and being recognised as a high value person. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article, where we’ll go through exactly how to do that!