The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Why You’re Not Getting The Results You Want From Pickup
Whether you’ve just read Magic Bullets for the first time, scoured The Attraction Forums for all the posts from the great names, know The Routines Manual inside and out, and have finally mustered the courage to do your first approach, or you’ve been at this for a while and still can’t seem to get those 9’s and 10’s you’ve been trying to for so long, there’s going to be a point where you have the knowledge, an appropriate amount of skill, and a certain level of fearlessness (big or small) to be an efficient PUA.
The goal at this point is to stop holding yourself back — you need to stop the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
What is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?
It’s when you go in to any situation in life with a set of beliefs you currently hold and already have expectations of what the outcome will be. If you expect people to act a certain way (e.g. hot girls to be bitchy), you are likely to communicate your expectations very subtly, increasing the likelihood that they will act in the way that you expected, only further increasing a false belief that you may hold.
If you expect rejection from that cute girl on the street, you’re more likely to avoid eye contact, frown, speak in short sentences, ask a lot of boring questions, and have stiff, closed, body language. Seeing this behavior, she in turn fulfills what you anticipated to happen, making you more confident in the accuracy of your predictions. Then the next time you have even more definite and rigid expectations of what will happen in a similar situation, occurring in a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
To become good at pickup, you’ve got to learn when to recognize that something like this is happening, step back, identify why you really feel this way, and make an action plan how to overcome the problems you’re facing.
The positive side to Self-Fulfilling Prophecies is that they can be used to your advantage if you frame everything in the right light. Instead of thinking that this girl won’t like you, go in to your set knowing that you’re the shit and this girl is going to have a blast talking to you. Once this happens, the same cycle is going to happen, but in a positive manner for you. You’re going to re-shape your beliefs about yourself, about how people interact with you, and about your life.
Steps to overcoming a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:
- Identify what you think will happen in a situation.
- Give a reason why you think this is going to happen.
- Dig deeper. Realize that she isn’t rejecting you because of your bald head or bad jaw line.
- Attach a new meaning to why your approach was off. Were you going in thinking you were destined to fail? Was she busy? Maybe she is a lesbian.
- Go back out and try again, with the new belief that you developed. Realize that if you think a girl is “above” you, then you’re probably going to sub-communicate that. Instead, you should be thinking of each other as equal people, that you don’t want or need anything from her, but instead merely offering your time and interest. A refusal of your interest is a lost opportunity, nothing more or less.
Learn more about your approach behavior in my article, “Fear Of Strangers — How to Overcome Talking to Beautiful Women”