There’s a few ways to do this:

Create an empowering belief that is logically incompatible to the limiting belief (credit: Tenmagnet)

For example, if your limiting belief is that “She’s on her way to work and doesn’t want to be bothered”, creating a belief such as “I’m an interesting guy, she would love to meet me” works well because it contradicts the useless limiting belief. I’m an interesting guy and she would love it if I told her how beautiful she was, and that I wanted to find out more about her. Therefore whatever she’s doing, she will be happy to stop for that.

Act in spite of your limiting belief (credit: Mr M)

Any time you get that gut level feeling of “Fuck, she’s out of my league”, acting in spite of that belief is POWERFUL. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I have approached girls for the sole reason of thinking they are out of my league.  Creating this habit will make you more comfortable around those women that cause your heart rate to triple as they walk past, plus you’ll be surprised how it works out sometimes. Maybe she’s super friendly, she may have just moved to a new city, or just got off a phone call with her friend complaining about how she never meets cool guys…

Test your assumptions – “Let’s see what happens”

I remember the first time my wing pushed me into a mother daughter set – I was extremely reluctant to approach. My apprehension was similar to the times were I have approached girls with onlookers standing within earshot/ spectating, and other random situations. The truth is people admire your confidence if you get blown out, and getting her number makes you look even more awesome. – so ultimately, you’re either going to look awesome, or more awesome. Thoughts such as “Let’s see what happens”, “She looks so good, that’s for me” and “She wants me to talk to her” – a few among many others – are great mindsets to internalize.

Jeremy Soul said it best in his YouTube video on how he got good at Day Game – “Maybe she is cold, maybe she’s not very friendly. Or she could be the love of your life, or the best sex you’ve ever had. The truth is you don’t know until you try it.”

For my info on turning your anxiety into excitement, check out our best-selling audios on Inner Game or Overcoming Approach Anxiety. (The first 10 minutes of each are FREE!)

 Alexander Technique Intro

The Alexander Technique is a subtle method of sensitivity re-education that works to change habits in everyday activities. As I use words to describe phenomena in these series of articles, realize that they are just a guide for your imagination. Only an Alexander teacher’s hands can give you a real experience of kinesthetic reawakening and freedom. The student is taught how to free himself from unconscious muscle tension and accumulated emotional trauma stored in his body. This indirectly results in increased spacial awareness and better posture over time.

One of the biggest obstacles in game is undoubtedly the fight or flight response to a particular stimulus (loud music, social pressure, etc.) I’ll use approach anxiety for example:

1. Stimulus (sexy blonde girl in “leave-em-on” heals at the night club)

2. Emotion (attraction → approach anxiety)

3. Thought (“she’s out of my league” → “she probably has a boyfriend anyway” → “need more alcohol!!”)

Be _________

If you’ve ever heard the advice “be confident” or “just be yourself”, the key word is actually be. “Being” is somewhat foreign to western culture, which is a very results oriented, doing society. It’s not so much what you say to her or how many lines you can spit, its how you say it and what you’re sub-communicating about yourself. These principles are called “end gaining” vs. “the means whereby” in Alexander’s texts.

Doing too much for a desired outcome is a perceived sign of insecurity and neediness in a social context. Trying to be something (funny, alpha, etc.) unfortunately does not lead to attraction with women. In dating science, this would be called “try-hard.” Feeling secure, charismatic and sexy can begin from a place of becoming present to your entire body, giving a single conscious “direction” of thought (aka “I’m a sexy beast”) and taking right action.

If you find yourself battling negative self talk a lot (as I did), make sure not to make your self wrong for having those thoughts. Accept that your negative thoughts are just trying to protect you, that they are not real, breathe and come into your body. If applied, these tips can be stepping stones toward developing presence and becoming internally validated.

Hope this helps.

I’ll get into some direct Alexander applications for better body language in the next one.

Chance

INNER GAME

You don’t need to eat nasty concoctions, throw up 4 times a day or do pushups until you pass out to feel proud of who you are as a man. Tony Robbins talks about inspiration and desperation as two of the most powerful underlying motivators for people. Remember what you had to overcome to get to this point in your life and use that as fuel for your fire. If you are on your purpose, having a blast along the way, everyone will be drawn to you.

Walking around campus after initiation, I remember thinking to myself: “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing”. These beliefs are great to internalize. The music I was listening to was having a big impact on my state as well. Any type of music that brings you up to a higher frequency where you feel passionate, appreciative and empowered will help for day game. The key is to channel your emotions, be genuine and own your masculinity.

CAMPUS DAY GAME APPROACHES

Opening

• Jeremy Soul-style direct openers are very effective
  • (excuse me, I just saw you doing X, I had to come tell you Y, my name is _____)
  • approach thinking “I’m going to make this girl’s day”
  • get excited, take chances
• use situational openers for girls in your immediate proximity
  • ex: sitting next to her in class, standing on line at the dining hall, etc.
  • contextual questions / comments, banter & humor

Sample Topics of Conversation

• shared experiences
  • ex: dorm life conditions, dining hall food, finals, professors, etc.
  • hometowns, lingo, culture, study abroad
• involvement on campus
  • ex: student government, music, fraternity, athletics, yoga, volunteer groups, etc.
  • talk about why you are passionate about it so you can connect with her on that emotion
• social circle, epic stories, last weekend’s mayhem
• favorite classes, major

Day 2 Ideas

• study session at library or other public location
• pregame, party, daydrink, sporting event (tailgate)
  • invite her & her friends
• daytime date
  • ex: I once took a creative girl (day game approach) on a date where we drew on a sidewalk with rainbow driveway chalk, talked about our passions and then volunteered at a food bank.
• campus events
• find common interests and explore them together
  • plays, intramural sports, art history, outing club trips, frisby, etc.

My First Ever Campus Day Game Approach

I remember having a huge crush on this stunning freshman blonde girl who I’d see every day walking back to the dorms. She had the most unbelievable body I’d ever seen. I would melt every time I saw her. Flash forward to a couple months after pledging, I’m walking back from class, listening to my IPod, when I spot her walking just ahead of me. I felt some nervousness and I had no clue what day game even was at this point but all I knew was that I HAD to go talk to this girl. The angle was off, I looked like a drug dealer, another guy had just approached her 2 minutes before me, she didn’t even know what a fraternity was and she despised house parties. None of these factors mattered though. I just assumed it was on and kept talking. My beliefs “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing” carried me through the Triad Model and brought me the girl of my dreams.

TIPS

1) Be ballsy, no regrets

• 4 years flies by fast– before you know it, graduation will be right around the corner

2) Don’t be discouraged if she has a boyfriend

• in no way do I support cheating, but literally almost every single hot girl I knew in college cheated on her boyfriend at least once

• if you really like her, put her on the backburner (long fuse) and go approach other girls (you never know when she’ll come around)

3) Use Facebook to your advantage

• pictures say 1000 words about you (tag yourself in the good ones)

• display social proof and preselection

• friend her on Facebook only after you’ve been texting each other for a little while

4) Tend to your social garden

• make some good friends and always be doing fun things (1st semester senior year, we purchased 1000 ball pit balls and made a McDonald’s style ball pit in our house!!)

Chance

The LS student travels down a path of transformation extending deep into all aspects of his life. On his bootcamp, he gets a taste of what is possible. His instructors show him the door, but he is the one who must have the burning desire to walk through it. He is taught to gain experience through repetition, similar to practicing a jump shot in basketball, referring back to his notes as he plunges forward. Approaching consistently over time, the blowouts and flakey numbers don’t sting as bad and he slowly begins to “let go of outcome”. He learns to push through those harsh emotional dips and share his success stories with his mates (high fives!!). Regardless of his mental state, he lives to fight another day, small chunking and diligently working toward the dating life he dreams for himself. Qualification becomes a genuine phase in the Emotional Progression Model as he learns to respect himself and value his time; her external beauty becomes merely a prerequisite for the initial interaction. Riding the power of intention and unwavering tenacity, he begins to manifest abundance and confidence for himself.

Months down the line, knee-deep in the process, something happens which is rather unexpected but indeed remarkable. He finds a gem. Sharing deep comfort and intimacy, he discovers the depths of her personality and falls… hard. His hearts pounds as he holds her in his arms. Her feminine energy has the power to calm him down. Her demeanor radiates a subtle power in her sexuality and the sex they share is mind-blowing. He finds himself surprisingly vulnerable as he remembers why he ultimately began this amazing journey in the first place, looking deep into her beaming eyes.

Love Systems gives you the blade (skill set, knowledge) you’ll use to slay the dragon and the stallion (proper boundaries, standards & lifestyle) you’ll need to ride her out of the castle. Regardless of what happens with any one particular princess you fall in love with, you will ALWAYS have your blade and stallion. Love is one of the spoils of war, surprising you during your efforts battling in the trenches. Its an emotional roller coaster! I say enjoy the ride but don’t allow yourself to get knocked off your path. Subconsciously, she has the desire to become the second most important priority in your life, next to your passion. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, open up those bootcamp notes, grab a wing and start slaying dragons again.

Chance

With Sukh’s permission, I’ve posted this email below. I’d love to have readers comment, whether that’s in the comments section below, on Facebook or on Twitter, about their thoughts on this.

When I have time, I’ll write my own response, probably as a separate article.

Sukh, thanks for sending. You definitely raise some good points, and I look forward to discussing more soon (I’ll email you as well to let you know when I manage to write an update).

Thanks

Jeremy

Hey Soul

I’ve been in game for about 6 months now and I’m writing to you not because I want advice but because I am questioning part of the mindset of the community.

I recently read your post http://www.lifewithsoul.com/that-one-special-girl-isnt-that-special/ and found myself disagreeing with it. I’ll explain.

Why am I in game? Coz I want to be more successful with women and just improve my life as a whole. I want the skillset and want to keep it. However, if I were to find a woman that I deemed “special” I would want to be able to keep her. Game is notoriously bad at giving people useful advice on long term relationships.

I believe in the idea of that the things in life that have value are the things we put effort into. If I put effort into work or setting up events and give my time to something in mind and action then it is of real value. Now I do agree that in the initial stages of relationships – there is nothing special about a girl in the sense of what your post says. At that point its a bad investment. Maybe thats all the post is saying.

I would to like to ask PUAs what do they value in life? I mean really value. I value my career, my music, my good friends, my parents, myself, if i had a kid i imagine i would value him or her immensely. Why do I value these things? Because I’ve put my time and effort and love into them. There is a depth of value here. Although my parents often annoy me I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. They are special. This brings me onto another point. What is value? PUAs constantly say be high value. Lets be honest value is transient. I can be high value now and lose it tomorrow. The pickup community started with people like Ross Jeffries and Mystery telling people to pretend to be high value. Next generation of game told people to become and be high value – which i agree with. But when people talk about this it isn’t real value. Real value comes from the things you love – including yourself and people that love you. If I were to be in a terrible car crash tomorrow chances are my perceived value is going to plummet. If i base my life on perceived value and constantly play the game no one will really care if I became extremely ill. Someone who really values you will. I’m not an island. Although I’d like to I won’t always have a high perceived value. I’ve accepted that. It’s useful and game can help you get it but basing your life on it doesn’t seem wise.

Another thing I’ve noticed about the pickup community is that very few PUAs are in successful long term relationships. Adam Lyons is and I respect him for that. He’s had the fun and now values his wife with all his heart. Also at some point I want a family – a stable family. I fear that PUAs never outgrow the shallow lays and fear developing a far more complex interesting relationship – where there can be real feelings of need and loss but also greater feelings of intersubjectivity and wonder. Kind of like what the two characters in the film “Before Sunset” really aspire to. In the film they have a connection that they thought they could find again in other people but never really did.  I’d call it an ethnocentric sort of love which is difficult to find. They become “special” to each other. It doesn’t come originally come from a needy place. It can become a different sort of need though – For the more you invest in a relationship there will come a point where one needs that other person. The same way i need to play my guitar from time to time. It’s simply part of who I am. PUAs don’t like this idea of needing something. In fact they rarely use the love word. I can understand this at the beginning of relationships but human beings have fundamental needs. They feel the need to belong.

See: http://www.adam-mcfarland.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/800px-maslows_hierarchy_of_needssvg.png

“It is impossible to exist without passion”

— Søren Kierkegaard

Shouldn’t you be passionate about your long term girlfriend as long as she is too? To consider her special? Isn’t love the fact that you consider someone to be the work of your life and the fact that you’re the work of theirs?I love quoting Tolstoy here:

“All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”

Game teaches attraction skills. That’s it. People often talk about falling in love and love and often get them muddled up. You “fall in love” – meaning become attracted – game here is a god send. But past that is love which is where game gets a bit lost.  Relationships naturally change after the 18 month mark biologically. Chemicals in the brain turn the three core ideas of “love” which your post talks about off. It changes but if its worth it wouldn’t you want to grow with it? I personally feel good long term relationships are based on friendship + attraction. And like it or not but attraction like value is comes and goes because we are human beings. Hopefully game can make it be there more often. I think the reason divorces happen are because 1) the relationship was based on attraction alone and they never should have got together longterm in the first place 2) they grew apart instead of together 3) Attraction was lost and never worked on – became platonic.

I believe in constant growth. I want to get better and I have a way to go but I also want to grow past that. I have aspirations in life aside from in my love life and to grow together with a woman of high value where I am her equal is what I want. I mean who would I rather be a top PUA or someone like Einstein, Obama, Chomsky, Dylan. There are so many other more meaningful ways to grow.

Now in theory my viewpoint is all well and good but in order to practically know when to invest and who to invest in is a tricky one. You see investing in someone leaves a person in a naturally vulnerable position. No one likes that especially PUAs who usually like to feel in control. I don’t have an answer for this yet. But i’d rather gamble once in a while than play it safe. But it is a REAL gamble.

I guess I just want anyone who calls themselves a PUA to really look at who they are and what they want from life and make their own minds up. I’ve got a way to go in my journey and don’t get me wrong I don’t think you should invest in the first hot girl you see but I can imagine a time when I outgrow the game and want more and by this point I should have the skills to keep a woman of high value that loves me and connects with me and at this point why the hell wouldn’t I reciprocate and dive in.

Wish you all the best

Sukh

p.s. I love good debate too so feel free to criticise or poke holes in my argument.

 

There is a natural tendency to blame external factors (people, circumstances, etc.) for lack of success. Not too long ago, I had to confront my self limiting beliefs in regards to my dating life. After reading a few books, I discovered that these mindsets were produced as a means to ensure my survival, covering up hopelessness, frustration and fear. Changing the way one thinks is definitely a process but modeling after successful people and adopting their mentalities is a great way to start.

In regards to game, fear can create a restrictive comfort zone bubble for what is possible. Heading into my first bootcamp, I was terrified of expressing verbal interest to a woman (telling her she’s beautiful or making a sexual advance). For me, the fear of being rejected, judged and socially outcasted created such an intense painful feeling inside my body, there was no way I was going to face it without being told to by an instructor. Through conscious repetition (100′s of reps), those fears I used to hold are near completely extinguished. Most social fears should be attacked head on. Some fears like fear of getting hit by a car are great to keep around though.

Some examples of social fears could be:

Fear of direct approaching, fear of rejection, fear of being a creeper, fear of social disapproval, fear of asking for her phone number, fear of talking to 9′s & 10′s, fear of moving her around the venue, fear of running out of things to say, etc.

A great way to overcome fears is to face them head on little by little with a sense of humor. Afterward, you’ll laugh about how dumb those fears were and how much they were holding you back. Something similar would be the feeling you experienced after your first roller coaster ride or when you rode a bicycle w/ no training wheels for the first time. I like this quote by Seneca:

“It is not because things are difficult
that we do not dare.
It is because we do not dare
that they are difficult.”

Chance

As for me, I just recently moved out to Hollywood to intern for Love Systems. I’ve never lived in a city before so the initial anxiety of living in a new place with no social circle is something I’m working through. Its a great opportunity to cold approach, make new friends and recreate myself. Since our arrival, my buddy and I have decided to create daily, weekly and long term goals to accomplish what we want for our dating lives.

Week 1: Intro

- Taking adventures, getting situated, discovering the nightlife scene, talking to strangers and approaching a couple girls per day / night.

Week 2: Opening

Focusing strictly on opening, this past week has helped develop my peripheral radar for hot women. I can spot them from really far away now. I think I got blown out and took phone numbers from more women this week than any other week of my entire life.

Some tips that have helped:

1) Talking to everyone, all the time, regardless of how you feel.

2) Friendly Competition (w/ yourself & your wing if you have one)

- I despise losing!! Using competition to my advantage has given me the extra push to consistently approach and push my comfort zone. You can try direct competitions, indirect competitions, or just compete to see who can talk to more people in one outing. This will skyrocket the quantity of sets you approach in a week.

3) Cutting down on masturbation

- Credit Vercetti. I did not want to give up this habit! It was a great decision to go through with it though. Use that sexual energy to drive your approaches.

4) Letting go of expected outcomes

- As we left the supermarket the other day, my buddy told me he just saw Holly Madison from the Playboy Mansion show “The Girls Next Door”. My eyes lit up and my stomach dropped. I threw him my groceries, sprinted back and spotted her on line surrounded by 3 of her macho guy friends. “Thank you God”, I thought to myself, looking at this sexy blonde Playboy Playmate. A week ago, I wouldn’t have dared to approach this girl. But through the process of consciously pushing my comfort zone everyday a little more, I no longer have many of the fears I used to have. I walked up and took a shot with a direct approach. Everyone in the supermarket was staring at me. I could feel the social pressure building. I started transitioning onto my mastery topics real quick and then her macho boyfriend came out of nowhere. He made a Hulk Hogen grunting sound, pumped his chest out and jumped right in between of us. We had a little eye contact showdown for a moment with everyone in Trader Joe’s starting at us. I wasn’t ready to get my shit wrecked that day even if she was a Playboy Playmate. I hadn’t even qualified her yet!! : )

I know he’s old school but this quote by Mystery really sums up the mindset I have been cultivating during this past week. I think its great for someone beginning to get serious about improving their game.

Mystery: “..Think of tonight as a video game. It is not real. Every time you do an approach, you are playing this game. All your emotions are going to try to fuck you up. They are there to try to confuse you, so know right now that they cannot be trusted at all. You will feel shy sometimes, and self-conscious, and you must deal with it like you deal with a pebble in your shoe. It’s uncomfortable, but you ignore it. It’s not part of the equation.”

Good luck!

Chance

- Jeremy Soul

So one of the biggest mistakes I see with intermediate guys is that when they see some success, they get complacent with their skill set. I’m going to define intermediate as someone who can get dates from cold approach regularly, with some of those dates turning into sexual relationships. In this stage of your development you are usually dating a couple girls and are consistently approaching and getting solid phone numbers. You’ll start feeling pretty good about yourself and start thinking “Damn I’m a fucking pimp!”

When you come from a place of not getting any women to a point where you can get some women it’s easy to get comfortable and stop developing your game. Now you should be proud of the progress you’ve made and enjoy the current fruit of your labors, but if you want to hit that next level in your game than you need to go back to when you were a newb at this stuff and start trying new things and putting yourself in uncomfortable situations.

If you are going out and you find your interactions are going too easy and comfortably than your game has probably stagnated. If you are going out to work on your game you should always be attacking limiting beliefs, testing out new concepts, and trying new behaviors. When I start noticing that all my interactions are similar and I’m too comfortable with my skill set, I know it’s time to try something new. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable, because it’s usually when you are out of your comfort zone that you’re growing.

If you are comfortable approaching women of certain level of attractiveness, than you need to raise the bar and start approaching women who intimidate you.

If you getting good at approaching women at bars and clubs, then maybe you should try approaching women in the day time.

If you are comfortable approaching groups with only girls in them, try approaching groups with guys in them.

If taller girls intimidate you, then you need to start approaching some taller girls.

If you are comfortable approaching attractive girls of a certain ethnicity, than start approaching attractive girls of a different ethnicity.

If you open with mostly opinion and situational openers, it’s time to start trying out some direct openers.

If you are consistently getting solid phone numbers that turn into dates, than it might be time to stop getting phone numbers and aim to take girls home the same night you meet them.

Personally I always make sure I’m trying out one new concept in my game at any given time. I keep the rest of my game the same but I add one new element. Lately I’ve been focused on being more dominant and escalating more aggressively.

I am naturally a passive person, so trying to be more dominant was very uncomfortable for me. I actually felt out of character for a few weeks. After a while though I started seeing a lot of women would become very attracted to my dominant behavior and I started taking more girls home the same night. Even though it was uncomfortable at first, I got some great reference experiences and I’ve added an essential element to my skill set. Well worth the initial discomfort.

Constantly evolving your game has some major benefits. For one you will have more behaviors which you can access depending on the situation. The more you go out and interact with different girls you will find that they’re not all the same. Every girl has a different blueprint and they will not all respond to the same things.

Some girls respond well to heavy teasing while other girls need an emotional connection. I’ve dated girls who respond well to affection and being touched sensually, while I’ve also dated girls who did not like being touched but responded well to me being dominant and cave manning them all the way to the bedroom. Some women you’ll meet at night are looking for a quick hook up and conveying strong sexual intent is all you need. During the day time your interactions are going to be heavy on logical intrigue based attraction while during the night time you will be using more teasing and state based attraction skills.

Different situations and different types of girls will require you to access different parts of your skill set. Think of it like a toolbox, depending on the situation or type of girl you can pull out the tools wat that you need. Having a wide variety of behaviors and reference experiences, to call back upon, gives you more options. If you aren’t consistently adding new tools to your toolbox, you’re missing out on a lot of opportunities and new experiences.

I’ll share with you some more examples in my own development.

When I was fairly consistent at getting dates at night, I realized that I couldn’t meet girls in the day. So I attended a Day Game Bootcamp and worked on improving my day game for a while. Doing this improved aspects of my game I wasn’t using much at night. My story telling, comfort, and general conversation skills vastly improved. Not only that, but I could now meet girls during the day.

At one point I also realized that I was only comfortable approaching Asian girls and had a limiting belief that I could not attract non-Asian girls. So I stopped approaching Asian girls to attack that limiting belief. After dating a few non Asian women I no longer have that limiting belief. Doing this hindered my short term success, I didn’t get laid for 2 months, but I was looking long term and now have much more options in the type of women I can date.

One of the major lessons the process of improving my game has taught me is that you should always be growing and evolving. Get out of your comfort zone, face your fears and attack limiting beliefs that do not help you move closer to your goals. Apply this growth mindset and you will be surprised how much progress you’ll be able to make.

Kastle

One of the key beliefs that all the guys who are good with women possess is the deeply held belief that they are attractive to women. This is what we call confidence. This isn’t that “Fake it till you make it” confidence, this is confidence which is built by experience and is rooted in truth.

When asking Naturals (guys who are naturally good with women) on how to improve your success with women I’m sure you’ve all heard a variation of the answer, “It’s easy man, you just to be more confident”.

Every time I heard that I would boil inside and suddenly have the urge to punch someone in the face. In my head I would ask myself “What does that even mean? How the fuck do I be more confident?” When you think about it that answer it is actually very correct, what Naturals usually fail to mention is the experiences that molded that confidence.

Those experiences like losing their virginity at a 15; the blowjob they got at a party from Brenda in the 7th grade; the sexual encounter they had with Suzy on Prom night; the 30+ women they slept with in college, and that hot little intern they banged in the supply closet at work last Thursday.

If you had those experiences, do you think you would be confident in your abilities with women?

Experience makes the man. The only difference between you and someone who is good with women is they have more positive reference experience than you telling them that they are attractive to women.

The Power of Beliefs

When I first made the commitment to improve my dating life I was a mess. I had very little experience with women (I had only been with 1 girl) and I had not been laid in 3 years. At this time I was also very overweight and I was not satisfied with my life. I have very few photos from age 20-25 because I always avoided confrontations with cameras, because every time I saw myself it reminded me of a fat loser who sucked with girls.

You can see how having this type of belief really hindered my success with women. The way you interact with women will be filtered through your beliefs. If you don’t think you are attractive, women aren’t going to either. Your lack of confidence in your self will be felt by any girls you interact with, and will destroy any chances you may have at a romantic relationship.

Our beliefs are the filter that we see the world through and which activates our behavior. Most of our beliefs have been adopted during our childhood and have been reinforced by our experiences year after year. Whatever you believe, your mind will find proof of it in your everyday life and make that belief stronger.

You can’t just get rid of a belief; you have to replace it with a new one. So if you believe you are not attractive to women, you have to replace it with the belief that you are attractive to women. To cultivate this new belief you have to prove to yourself through your experiences that this new belief is true.

Actions Steps to Cultivate Your New Belief

Here are some action steps you can take right away to start building your confidence. Now I’m not going to lie and tell you this process is going to be easy. Getting good at game is hard. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your confidence. I promise you the rewards are worth it though.

The first thing to do is to ask yourself “Do I believe I am attractive to women?” Dig really deep and answer that question. Be honest. Nobody wants to admit they think they are unattractive. I know I didn’t, but when I came to terms with it I was able to start figuring out a solution.

Next step is every time you go out, make a conscious effort to find proof you are attractive to women. When you get home write down the proof you’ve collected in your journal.

Important Note: If you aren’t journaling you are missing out on a great way to pin point your sticking points so you can correct them and to also reflect on your progress. Self observation is key to self growth.

An Even More Important Note: If you aren’t going out regularly and interacting with women you are shooting yourself in the foot. You’re robbing yourself of the necessary experience you need to build your confidence. As you go out and have positive experiences you will replace a lot of your bad beliefs with truths that you’ll discover. SO GO OUT, BITCHES!

If a girl tells you are cute or she thinks your cool, make sure you log that in your journal. If you are talking to a girl and she looks like she’s attracted to you. Log it in your journal. If you kiss a girl. Log it in your journal. If you kiss a girl, she doesn’t reciprocate, but stays and talks to you still. Log it in your journal. You get the picture. Any positive reference experiences that can reinforce the belief that you are attractive to women should be recorded.

Here’s a few of my experiences that I recorded in my journal when I first got into Pick Up:

Girl stayed and talked to me for almost an hour.

Girl stayed to talk with me even when her friends wanted to leave.

Girl gave me her phone number.

Girl held my hand in the club.

Girl told me “You’re one of the coolest guys I’ve met.”

Girl bought me a shot of Patron.

Here are some of my experiences from this year that I recorded in my journal:

Lesbian at the club told me “You’re very handsome. If I wasn’t a lesbian I’d be all up on you. My friends are single though”.

Had sex with a girl 30 minutes after meeting her.

Girl at gas station tells me “You’re gorgeous” than turns to her friend and says “He’s hot. I want to sit on his face”.

Girl I sleep with tells me she’s not normally into Asian guys, but was really attracted to me because of the way I talked to her.

Girl takes me aside and makes out with me after I have sex with her cousin.

Went direct on a girl who was with her cousin and sister at Yogurt Land. Her cousin and sister tell me I have balls. As I’m taking to her, they tell my wing that I have good game.

You probably see the difference between my successful experiences earlier in my development and my recent experiences. As you acquire positive reference experiences it will increase your confidence, which will then cause the amount and quality of your positive experiences to increase. These experiences will act as a positive feedback loop reinforcing the belief that you are attractive to women. Picture a snowball going down a hill. At first it’s a tiny snowball, but by the time it’s reached the bottom of the hill it’s a huge boulder that will crush anything in its path.

I’d like to mention I’m not advocating only putting positive things in your journal. Write out your field reports and thoughts like you normally do and add a section at the end for this.

Additionally you can also take the same process to attack other limiting beliefs you may have. Here are a few that I’ve conquered using the same process:

Belief that “Girls don’t like sex” to “Girls love sex”

Belief that “White girls are not attracted to me because I’m Asian” to “White girls are attracted to me because I’m confident” (Also did this for Black girls and Latina girls.)

Belief that “Hot women do not normally go home with a guy the same night” to “Hot women will go home with a guy she is attracted to if he escalates and logistics permit”

In closing most guys lack confidence with women simply because they lack the experiences that allow them to be confident. Luckily for all of us, we have countless opportunities to gather these experiences to build our confidence. So be proactive, go out, talk to women, and create those experiences.

Kastle