Alexander Technique Intro

The Alexander Technique is a subtle method of sensitivity re-education that works to change habits in everyday activities. As I use words to describe phenomena in these series of articles, realize that they are just a guide for your imagination. Only an Alexander teacher’s hands can give you a real experience of kinesthetic reawakening and freedom. The student is taught how to free himself from unconscious muscle tension and accumulated emotional trauma stored in his body. This indirectly results in increased spacial awareness and better posture over time.

One of the biggest obstacles in game is undoubtedly the fight or flight response to a particular stimulus (loud music, social pressure, etc.) I’ll use approach anxiety for example:

1. Stimulus (sexy blonde girl in “leave-em-on” heals at the night club)

2. Emotion (attraction → approach anxiety)

3. Thought (“she’s out of my league” → “she probably has a boyfriend anyway” → “need more alcohol!!”)

Be _________

If you’ve ever heard the advice “be confident” or “just be yourself”, the key word is actually be. “Being” is somewhat foreign to western culture, which is a very results oriented, doing society. It’s not so much what you say to her or how many lines you can spit, its how you say it and what you’re sub-communicating about yourself. These principles are called “end gaining” vs. “the means whereby” in Alexander’s texts.

Doing too much for a desired outcome is a perceived sign of insecurity and neediness in a social context. Trying to be something (funny, alpha, etc.) unfortunately does not lead to attraction with women. In dating science, this would be called “try-hard.” Feeling secure, charismatic and sexy can begin from a place of becoming present to your entire body, giving a single conscious “direction” of thought (aka “I’m a sexy beast”) and taking right action.

If you find yourself battling negative self talk a lot (as I did), make sure not to make your self wrong for having those thoughts. Accept that your negative thoughts are just trying to protect you, that they are not real, breathe and come into your body. If applied, these tips can be stepping stones toward developing presence and becoming internally validated.

Hope this helps.

I’ll get into some direct Alexander applications for better body language in the next one.

Chance

In SCM, Braddock talks about “hunting” vs. “farming”. For the most part, you won’t need to do much hunting (cold approaching) if you’ve pledged a legitimate fraternity. Every brother will be farming the girls he meets so you’ll all be harvesting crops together. Be sure not to lose sight of who your true friends are but you want to align with guys who are good farmers. This alone will dramatically increase the amount of hot girls you’ll have access to without expending much effort.

Note:

1) Groups of girls will almost always be late for social events. Be okay with it. One of their biggest fears is social awkwardness. By arriving early and sober, they run the risk of it being “awkward”.

2) Girls are masters at appearing innocent. At university, there are rarely, if any social consequences for a girl who sleeps around. No one really cares so no need to judge. Most of the time, she’ll pretend it didn’t happen, claiming she was “blackout” and her friends will cover for her.

PREGAMES:

- Hosting a pregame is a great way to have fun and build investment with girls before a party. College girls will usually go out in “squads” of 4 to 5 girls until one girl starts consistently hooking up with one guy in your group. You want to get “sticky” with at least one girl in her group. If they can enjoy themselves and feel comfortable hanging out with you and your group of friends, they’ll come back and bring more girls.

- Lights on. Music loud but low enough so everyone can hear each other.

- Alcohol – More hard alcohol, less beer. Anything fruity (jello shots, flavored vodka, etc) works well for girls. Play games where everyone can participate… our favorites were flip cup and a beer pong (Beirut) type of game called “Civil War”.

HOUSE PARTIES:

- Girls will travel far distances in heels, pushing through injury to get to a good house party with a DJ. It’s the highlight of their week to look sexy, get drunk, dance and hook up with cool guys. ANYTHING is possible at college parties. Sexual activity can happen anywhere: dance floor, bathroom, laundry room, outside on the central air conditioning unit, anywhere your imagination can think of.

- At house parties, you’ll get attraction off the bat just by having the confidence to start and hold a fun conversation with a group of strangers. Don’t get obliterated if you’re trying to meet girls. If you’re a “wallflower” at the party, trying to snipe girls off, you’ll be sure to creep them out. Talk to everyone, have fun and “let go of outcome”. If you can display social proof and a little bit of preselection, direct game (“Man Game”) will be like fishing with dynamite. Bounce her around after building attraction. A bounce within the house party could include grabbing a beer, smoking a cigarette outside, taking shots in a bedroom or showing her something cool in the house.

- Lights dimmed (black light is best). Music played really loud preferably by a DJ who can manage the tempo of the party and beat match songs together, eliminating awkward silences between songs.

- Alcohol– More beer, less hard alcohol. Kegs are cheap but they can slow down the pace of the party. Cases (cans) keep the party moving but you’ll pay more and have a bigger clean up. Hard alcohol will get finished off in the blink of an eye at a big party so try to conserve it, saving it for “VIP”! Once the alcohol runs out, everyone will start clearing out so be sure to have enough to last the night.

Part 3, I’ll get into postgames, facebook, campus approaches and any other college topics you guys would like info on.

Chance

For the majority of 18-year old high school seniors, college life is a vivid fantasy dreamt up full of crazy parties, hot girls, popularity and unforgettable memories. Finally escaping that sub-par high school reputation has the incoming freshman watering at the mouth for a fresh start. Never landing that high school crush is an agonizing stab at the heart but it can be used as leverage toward a new beginning. College can be a dream come true or a missed opportunity filled with regret and anguish.

During those first couple weekends, we would wander aimlessly around campus, sometimes 8 guys deep desperately trying to buy our way into a house party. Meanwhile, the hot girls on our floor would flock to fraternity, football, hockey, lacrosse and rugby parties.

For all the freshman and sophomores reading this who attend mid to large sized universities, take advantage if you get the opportunity to pledge a legitimate fraternity. It will make college game so much easier. Each fraternity elects a social chair who’s primary responsibility it is to organize parties with hot sorority girls. The social chair handles the alcohol, pregame, venue, DJ, transportation, logistics and all vomiting drunk people.

After about a month into the semester, “rush” will begin. Rush is a 2-week period where all the fraternities on campus host events with free food and alcohol with the purpose of recruiting new pledges. Lame fraternities will take anyone they can get (if you’re unsure if a fraternity is legit, ask a couple hot junior or senior sorority girls on campus). The popular fraternities on campus want pledges who are cool, confident, fun and have future ambitions to help improve the fraternity after they become brothers.

If you can keep that in mind, you should be able to make a good impression and generate some buzz amongst the brotherhood. If they like you, they’ll invite you to a “call back” rush event. After callbacks, the brotherhood will hold a meeting where they’ll vote on whether or not to extend a “bid” to you. A bid is an invitation to pledge their fraternity, which usually lasts from 6 to 8 weeks.

Be sure to pledge a fraternity that has high social value on campus, throws sick parties every weekend and plans bus trips, “date parties”, formal events and “mixers” with the hottest sororities. Huge. A mixer is a party where the fraternity and the sorority’s social chairs will decide on a theme (angels & devils, pimps & hoes, Halloween, Christmas, etc.) and throw it together.

Date parties were my personal favorite and are by far the easiest nights to get laid. This is where the brotherhood will rent out a venue and each brother can bring a date of his choice. If your fraternity has value and you’ve build some attraction with your date, you’ll be able to relax, introduce her to your friends, drink, tease her a bit, build comfort and escalate. Watch out for drunk brothers trying to swoop in on your date!

Also, have no fear of pledging a hazing fraternity. My inner game would not be where it is today if it weren’t for the mental, emotional and physical challenges that I faced throughout pledging. The pride we all felt wearing those Greek letters was a reflection of the struggle we had been through together and the respect we had each individually earned for ourselves. Two of my closest friends today were my pledge brothers.

When girls found out I had pledged the top fraternity on campus, my value exploded and the game suddenly became a whole lot easier. I thrived off the new positive reactions I was getting from girls but I didn’t really understand it… that is until I found Love Systems. Part 2 coming soon.

Chance

The LS student travels down a path of transformation extending deep into all aspects of his life. On his bootcamp, he gets a taste of what is possible. His instructors show him the door, but he is the one who must have the burning desire to walk through it. He is taught to gain experience through repetition, similar to practicing a jump shot in basketball, referring back to his notes as he plunges forward. Approaching consistently over time, the blowouts and flakey numbers don’t sting as bad and he slowly begins to “let go of outcome”. He learns to push through those harsh emotional dips and share his success stories with his mates (high fives!!). Regardless of his mental state, he lives to fight another day, small chunking and diligently working toward the dating life he dreams for himself. Qualification becomes a genuine phase in the Emotional Progression Model as he learns to respect himself and value his time; her external beauty becomes merely a prerequisite for the initial interaction. Riding the power of intention and unwavering tenacity, he begins to manifest abundance and confidence for himself.

Months down the line, knee-deep in the process, something happens which is rather unexpected but indeed remarkable. He finds a gem. Sharing deep comfort and intimacy, he discovers the depths of her personality and falls… hard. His hearts pounds as he holds her in his arms. Her feminine energy has the power to calm him down. Her demeanor radiates a subtle power in her sexuality and the sex they share is mind-blowing. He finds himself surprisingly vulnerable as he remembers why he ultimately began this amazing journey in the first place, looking deep into her beaming eyes.

Love Systems gives you the blade (skill set, knowledge) you’ll use to slay the dragon and the stallion (proper boundaries, standards & lifestyle) you’ll need to ride her out of the castle. Regardless of what happens with any one particular princess you fall in love with, you will ALWAYS have your blade and stallion. Love is one of the spoils of war, surprising you during your efforts battling in the trenches. Its an emotional roller coaster! I say enjoy the ride but don’t allow yourself to get knocked off your path. Subconsciously, she has the desire to become the second most important priority in your life, next to your passion. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, open up those bootcamp notes, grab a wing and start slaying dragons again.

Chance

There is a natural tendency to blame external factors (people, circumstances, etc.) for lack of success. Not too long ago, I had to confront my self limiting beliefs in regards to my dating life. After reading a few books, I discovered that these mindsets were produced as a means to ensure my survival, covering up hopelessness, frustration and fear. Changing the way one thinks is definitely a process but modeling after successful people and adopting their mentalities is a great way to start.

In regards to game, fear can create a restrictive comfort zone bubble for what is possible. Heading into my first bootcamp, I was terrified of expressing verbal interest to a woman (telling her she’s beautiful or making a sexual advance). For me, the fear of being rejected, judged and socially outcasted created such an intense painful feeling inside my body, there was no way I was going to face it without being told to by an instructor. Through conscious repetition (100′s of reps), those fears I used to hold are near completely extinguished. Most social fears should be attacked head on. Some fears like fear of getting hit by a car are great to keep around though.

Some examples of social fears could be:

Fear of direct approaching, fear of rejection, fear of being a creeper, fear of social disapproval, fear of asking for her phone number, fear of talking to 9′s & 10′s, fear of moving her around the venue, fear of running out of things to say, etc.

A great way to overcome fears is to face them head on little by little with a sense of humor. Afterward, you’ll laugh about how dumb those fears were and how much they were holding you back. Something similar would be the feeling you experienced after your first roller coaster ride or when you rode a bicycle w/ no training wheels for the first time. I like this quote by Seneca:

“It is not because things are difficult
that we do not dare.
It is because we do not dare
that they are difficult.”

Chance

As for me, I just recently moved out to Hollywood to intern for Love Systems. I’ve never lived in a city before so the initial anxiety of living in a new place with no social circle is something I’m working through. Its a great opportunity to cold approach, make new friends and recreate myself. Since our arrival, my buddy and I have decided to create daily, weekly and long term goals to accomplish what we want for our dating lives.

Week 1: Intro

- Taking adventures, getting situated, discovering the nightlife scene, talking to strangers and approaching a couple girls per day / night.

Week 2: Opening

Focusing strictly on opening, this past week has helped develop my peripheral radar for hot women. I can spot them from really far away now. I think I got blown out and took phone numbers from more women this week than any other week of my entire life.

Some tips that have helped:

1) Talking to everyone, all the time, regardless of how you feel.

2) Friendly Competition (w/ yourself & your wing if you have one)

- I despise losing!! Using competition to my advantage has given me the extra push to consistently approach and push my comfort zone. You can try direct competitions, indirect competitions, or just compete to see who can talk to more people in one outing. This will skyrocket the quantity of sets you approach in a week.

3) Cutting down on masturbation

- Credit Vercetti. I did not want to give up this habit! It was a great decision to go through with it though. Use that sexual energy to drive your approaches.

4) Letting go of expected outcomes

- As we left the supermarket the other day, my buddy told me he just saw Holly Madison from the Playboy Mansion show “The Girls Next Door”. My eyes lit up and my stomach dropped. I threw him my groceries, sprinted back and spotted her on line surrounded by 3 of her macho guy friends. “Thank you God”, I thought to myself, looking at this sexy blonde Playboy Playmate. A week ago, I wouldn’t have dared to approach this girl. But through the process of consciously pushing my comfort zone everyday a little more, I no longer have many of the fears I used to have. I walked up and took a shot with a direct approach. Everyone in the supermarket was staring at me. I could feel the social pressure building. I started transitioning onto my mastery topics real quick and then her macho boyfriend came out of nowhere. He made a Hulk Hogen grunting sound, pumped his chest out and jumped right in between of us. We had a little eye contact showdown for a moment with everyone in Trader Joe’s starting at us. I wasn’t ready to get my shit wrecked that day even if she was a Playboy Playmate. I hadn’t even qualified her yet!! : )

I know he’s old school but this quote by Mystery really sums up the mindset I have been cultivating during this past week. I think its great for someone beginning to get serious about improving their game.

Mystery: “..Think of tonight as a video game. It is not real. Every time you do an approach, you are playing this game. All your emotions are going to try to fuck you up. They are there to try to confuse you, so know right now that they cannot be trusted at all. You will feel shy sometimes, and self-conscious, and you must deal with it like you deal with a pebble in your shoe. It’s uncomfortable, but you ignore it. It’s not part of the equation.”

Good luck!

Chance

When I finally started to get pretty serious about improving my body language, I found an Alexander Technique teacher in my area and started taking weekly lessons. I took up a theater class for voice. However, approaching consistently, especially during the day, has had the biggest impact on my game thus far. I used to think that girls would laugh and I’d be shunned by society for direct approaching. Now, it’s become one of my favorite activities. It’s liberating to feel that jolt of attraction, channel that sexual / romantic energy and tell that beautiful girl specifically what I like about her. As long as its sincere and spontaneous, a positive reaction will follow.

By forming the approach habit, you will morph your scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset because there is always another girl to meet in a couple minutes. When you see that gorgeous girl, you go! Life is too short not to.

Chance

Before the weekend, I thought I knew myself pretty well. Then I met Fader. He knew more about me than I knew myself. I had never met someone with such a deep understanding of astrology, body language, learning styles, teaching methods, comprehension, self-improvement, goal setting, human psychology and dating science. Fader pierced my reality in a way that I had never experienced before. He didn’t sugarcoat anything for me during the weekend and I’m thankful for that. In particular, I learned a lot about frame control, bait-hook-reel-release/rapport, attraction spikes, hoops, social intelligence and beliefs.

After seminar, the bubble I had created for myself had popped and I felt a new sense of reality. I had taken the red pill and there was no going back. I was beginning to understand what it was going to take to achieve success in my life. “The true self is always coming through”, he said to me. Putting aside all the lines and theory, I learned that meeting women and having success in life is about being a man who is a master of his own reality. “It isn’t what happens to us that affects our behavior. Its our interpretation that affects us”, he said.

At night, we met up at a bar in NYC. I want to become a Love Systems instructor so Fader brought out Sterling (formerly LA2NY) and his buddy Alex. Being around this guy was one of my favorite parts of the bootcamp.

Sterling : You helped me tweak my vibe during approaches and taught me “Eye of the Tiger”. You have a big heart, man. Thanks for all of the 1-on-1 time… you changed my life going forward.

Alex : You taught me the importance of being louder and having the best time in your own space. At the bar, most guys are looking around for external stimuli to make their night fun and girls can feel that. When you can genuinely have the best time with your friends (loud, laughing, dancing, etc) and stop caring what others think about you, approaching becomes fun and everyone in the social environment is drawn to you.

Fader : Putting into words the impact that you have had on me is nearly impossible. You opened the door for me, man. Thank you for the change you’ve inspired in me. This community is about giving men the tools to become their best self but it takes courage to take off the blinders and truly look in the mirror. Thank you for all of the life lessons.

On the journey to accomplish all of our greatest goals, the question we are constantly asked every moment of everyday is… “How bad do you want it???”

Chance

People are thrilled to feel your unconditional positive influence on them and they will reciprocate those good feelings back to you. This can be in the form of favors, compliments, buying you a drink, inviting you to a party, showing you compassion etc. Don’t be surprised if strangers start smiling at you and the people around you start to really enjoy your presence. By developing your own positive momentum, life opens up and new opportunities present themselves in every aspect of your life. There’s no coincidence that when you’re on a roll, new friends, good news and beautiful women just flow into your life effortlessly. You can simply enjoy a conversation with a woman without expectation or needing anything from her. This is a very attractive quality and she will want to be a part of your reality.

How do you get positive momentum rolling in your favor? In an upcoming article, I’ll go in depth on how to jump-start your momentum.

One of my goals in life is to make massive change in people’s lives and to help them lead happier, more meaningful lifestyles. My posts will be about the discoveries I am making and how they can help you along your path.

Chance

I like a lot of it, but the Connecting the Dots part is always the part that has struck me the most.

The idea is an elaboration of the common adage that “everything happens for a reason.” It sounds trite, but I have indeed seen the significance of certain events in my life only years later.

Some of these things seem so awful, so gut-wrenching, that you wonder what it is going to be mean for your life – you almost cannot see any positive ever resulting from it.

But somehow, at some point, those dots do connect. Last year, my father had a stroke and it turned my world upside down. I struggled to balance my workshop and travel schedule, my apartment in Stockholm, business interests, my love life, and my father’s health all at once.

The toll it took on me was palpable. I had to move back to London so I could be there to help take care of my dad and support my parents. As I tried to take care of the most important things, my love life fell apart, and I had to put some business plans that were very important to me on hold. Thankfully, my workshops and my clients never saw the impact – to me, my family and my job were the top priorities.

These were some tough dots for me. I’m sure the connections are still building, but I’m starting to see some of them already. For one, going through this kind of family experience has really shone a lens on what I value in life, my priorities, and helped me to identify the kind of people I really want around me.

For two, the whole experience brought me back to London, which is perhaps less exciting than it is being in Stockholm or traveling through the USA, but ultimately benefits my business interests and helps me to grow the rest of my life.

I recently worked with Nick Hoss, one of the new instructors to join the Love Systems ranks (a fellow fan of Daytime Dating and quite the expert with mother-daughter approaches!). It’s funny, about two years ago he emailed me to apply for Project Rockstar.

His application was awesome, but it came in after we’d already screened a ton of applications and chosen some excellent ones. So I told him that, and I pointed him to Steve Jobs’ speech on Connecting the Dots – I really hoped that I would meet Nick someday in some capacity.

Fast forward a year. Nick takes a Bootcamp with Cajun and then a 1-on-1 with Tenmagnet in Canada. He meets a guy on the forums in Vancouver, who ended up taking my Day Game Workshop in Toronto.

They stay in touch and start practicing day game together. At some point, I need extra help in Toronto for my workshop, so I email that guy and he suggests that I bring Nick along too, as they’ve been doing really well together.

Nick impressed the hell out of me on the Day Game Workshop (in fact he met a girl that day with her mother, and ended up seeing that girl later that night). He was respectful, smart, and enthusiastic – I saw huge potential for him as a Love Systems instructor.

He then began training with us, helping out other instructors on various programs around the world, and eventually underwent the instructor evaluation with Love Systems CEO, Nick Savoy, at our Las Vegas Super Conference. He passed, and is now a fully-fledged instructor, and will be helping out on a lot of my programs this year as well as other instructors.

So remember, the dots will always connect at some point.