Lately, I’ve seen a swarm of girlfriend related posts on The Attraction Forums. From things like “how do I get my girlfriend back?” to “we dated for 2 months and now she isn’t talking to me” or even “we had sex and now she won’t get back to me.” Realize this: everyone has these “oh shit” moments where they get broken up with and have no clue what to do. That’s how I found Love Systems. I’m sure every instructor for the company has had a similar scenario at one point. How do you get past this? It seems like it lasts forever and that your whole reality shifts literally overnight.
The wrong way to deal with this is to dwell on it. Chewing on that one thought over and over again isn’t going to make it any better. Looking at all the pictures of you two at Disneyland isn’t going to help. Listening to sappy love songs? Still not helping. I get it, we as men are supposed to be tough, but we still have emotions. It’s ok to recognize your sadness, but when it’s the only thing that you think about of course you’re going to feel like shit.
The Right Way:
The first thing you’ve gotta do is not be needy. If you guys just had sex and she’s not talking to you, don’t overwhelm her with “OMG WHERE ARE YOU I MISS YOU” texts. Give her space and don’t show that you get caught up in one girl that quick.
Even if she is a badass.
If you’ve just broken up cut contact. Yeah it sucks, but it’s going to make it better in the long run if you just do it now. Resist those drunk texts, resist those sad moments, and just stop talking to her. Delete her number, don’t be Facebook friends, remove her email, stop following her on Twitter. Whatever it is, make it so it’s impossible to get ahold of her.
Next you need to have “you” time. This is where you dust off that list of things and make yourself into the badass you’ve always wanted to be. Start going back to the gym (or better yet, when you’re with a girl don’t stop going!), go out with your buddies (again, don’t stop going when you’re in a relationship!), learn a new hobby, bust your ass to get that promotion or new job, update your style, or go to a beer tasting.
Do this: get a piece of paper and a pen or open a word document and make a list of things the ideal version of yourself can do or attributes about him. Some of the stuff in mine vary from traveling, knowing another language, fearless, knows how to shoot a gun, musician, and gives positive emotions to others. This list is something you can always add to and refine, but they are clear, concise, written out goals that you can work toward. Look at these often.
Now do the same thing for your ideal woman. Do you take whatever woman falls into your life? Find out these certain qualities about a woman that you like. (Hint: this is going to help you with your game too. This is basically Qualification.) If you keep at this, there’s going to be a point when you’re good enough to get women consistently.
Then what? Then you’re going to start being pickier. Instead of being happy that you made out with that monster during last call, you’re going to want that girl in the sexy dress on that dance floor. And that’s perfectly ok. (Also, anyone who has gotten good has had the last call girls who they aren’t proud of the next morning. That’s ok too!)
The last step is to come out, redefined. This is when you start focusing outward toward being social again. You’ve started to get in shape or your fashion is up to date now. Whatever it is, people start seeing you in a different light.
Keep up with these new habits and skills, don’t let them just be a quick fix and then going back to the same person you were once you are in a relationship again. Why shouldn’t you look good or still be intriguing to women even though you have a girlfriend? Too many people revert to unattractive qualities once they’re with someone and stop caring about themselves. Don’t be that guy.
Once you’re out there and meeting new people, you’re going to slowly wonder what exactly it was you saw in her. You’ll realize there are girls who are sexier, funnier, smarter, insert-whatever-quality-er than her. Sure, she had significance in your life and it’s ok to recognize that (I still talk to the girl I first loved), but don’t revert back to being a pussy for her. You deserve better than that.
Well, I’ve (actually) done all of that stuff and I still want her back:
Alright, well you’ve done all this stuff and you still want her back. First, be able to attract women that you want in life. Be able to go to a bar and have a same night lay. Get that cute coffee girl out on a date. As emphasized earlier, the more women you date, the more you’ll know what you want in a woman, and this is especially important if you’re going to go back to an ex.
Next, make sure you’ve cut contact for at least 6 months. This is minimum. If you do all the stuff above and get decent at game, it’s going to take longer than this anyway. To go along with this, you need time to reboot the image of you in her eyes and for you to both get away from the emotions associated with each other. Lastly, have noticeable improvements in your life before you see her again.
Again, if you’ve done the stuff outlined in this article, that won’t be a problem. If you somehow got her out after 6 months and you’re still wearing that “I Love NY” shirt with the stain on it and have nothing in your life to show from the time passed, it’s probably not going to help your chances.
When you guys meet up again:
When you guys meet up for the first time, don’t make it such a big deal. Don’t try to win her over again with a fancy steak dinner. Treat this more like it’s a 2nd date. You know she’s into you and you aren’t trying to prove anything to her. This leads us to not being needy (again). If it shows up twice in an article, it’s probably important.
Don’t be trying to make these grand plans of how you’re going to treat her better this time and blah blah. Don’t try to talk about the past and don’t tell her about what’s changed about you, SHOW her. She’ll subconsciously pick up that something is different about you and want to know more. Maybe she’ll think “have I made a mistake?” If you’ve actually done everything here, she’ll know she’s missing out on you.