WHAT YOU GET

Cajun outlines a system from how to set up your profile to how to ask her out. Obviously you can expect there to be sections like “Profile Pictures” and “About Me” write-ups, but the real gems are the examples Cajun gives AND the description of how to personalize them. This is key in my mind.
You get box-by-box advice of how to setup your profile, what to include and what to definitely avoid. (It’s funny how that one little tweak to your profile can get you exponential gains.) He also outlines the major difference between boring profiles and ones girls message.

With that, there is a plethora of message logs included, all real examples of what’s worked for Cajun before. He also includes chat logs of instant messages, which is a nice way of showing the subtle differences of chatting in real time versus over message.

There is also a two-page cheat sheet of extra tips that add some nice icing to your online game.

Tenmagnet drops in a nice chapter on the lost art of phone game. Everybody has become so concerned with texting in the past couple of years that there hasn’t been much said about phone game, a necessity, recently. This guy was my original mentor and I can tell you there is NOBODY better on the phone than him. He gives the what to say, when to call, how to ask her out info you need. A must read.

Keychain also has a nice quick start guide so you can get your profile going and get some dates as you improve it with Cajun’s advice.

Read the rest of Nick Hoss’ Gentleman’s Guide to Online Game review and see photos from the book.

 Alexander Technique Intro

The Alexander Technique is a subtle method of sensitivity re-education that works to change habits in everyday activities. As I use words to describe phenomena in these series of articles, realize that they are just a guide for your imagination. Only an Alexander teacher’s hands can give you a real experience of kinesthetic reawakening and freedom. The student is taught how to free himself from unconscious muscle tension and accumulated emotional trauma stored in his body. This indirectly results in increased spacial awareness and better posture over time.

One of the biggest obstacles in game is undoubtedly the fight or flight response to a particular stimulus (loud music, social pressure, etc.) I’ll use approach anxiety for example:

1. Stimulus (sexy blonde girl in “leave-em-on” heals at the night club)

2. Emotion (attraction → approach anxiety)

3. Thought (“she’s out of my league” → “she probably has a boyfriend anyway” → “need more alcohol!!”)

Be _________

If you’ve ever heard the advice “be confident” or “just be yourself”, the key word is actually be. “Being” is somewhat foreign to western culture, which is a very results oriented, doing society. It’s not so much what you say to her or how many lines you can spit, its how you say it and what you’re sub-communicating about yourself. These principles are called “end gaining” vs. “the means whereby” in Alexander’s texts.

Doing too much for a desired outcome is a perceived sign of insecurity and neediness in a social context. Trying to be something (funny, alpha, etc.) unfortunately does not lead to attraction with women. In dating science, this would be called “try-hard.” Feeling secure, charismatic and sexy can begin from a place of becoming present to your entire body, giving a single conscious “direction” of thought (aka “I’m a sexy beast”) and taking right action.

If you find yourself battling negative self talk a lot (as I did), make sure not to make your self wrong for having those thoughts. Accept that your negative thoughts are just trying to protect you, that they are not real, breathe and come into your body. If applied, these tips can be stepping stones toward developing presence and becoming internally validated.

Hope this helps.

I’ll get into some direct Alexander applications for better body language in the next one.

Chance

INNER GAME

You don’t need to eat nasty concoctions, throw up 4 times a day or do pushups until you pass out to feel proud of who you are as a man. Tony Robbins talks about inspiration and desperation as two of the most powerful underlying motivators for people. Remember what you had to overcome to get to this point in your life and use that as fuel for your fire. If you are on your purpose, having a blast along the way, everyone will be drawn to you.

Walking around campus after initiation, I remember thinking to myself: “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing”. These beliefs are great to internalize. The music I was listening to was having a big impact on my state as well. Any type of music that brings you up to a higher frequency where you feel passionate, appreciative and empowered will help for day game. The key is to channel your emotions, be genuine and own your masculinity.

CAMPUS DAY GAME APPROACHES

Opening

• Jeremy Soul-style direct openers are very effective
  • (excuse me, I just saw you doing X, I had to come tell you Y, my name is _____)
  • approach thinking “I’m going to make this girl’s day”
  • get excited, take chances
• use situational openers for girls in your immediate proximity
  • ex: sitting next to her in class, standing on line at the dining hall, etc.
  • contextual questions / comments, banter & humor

Sample Topics of Conversation

• shared experiences
  • ex: dorm life conditions, dining hall food, finals, professors, etc.
  • hometowns, lingo, culture, study abroad
• involvement on campus
  • ex: student government, music, fraternity, athletics, yoga, volunteer groups, etc.
  • talk about why you are passionate about it so you can connect with her on that emotion
• social circle, epic stories, last weekend’s mayhem
• favorite classes, major

Day 2 Ideas

• study session at library or other public location
• pregame, party, daydrink, sporting event (tailgate)
  • invite her & her friends
• daytime date
  • ex: I once took a creative girl (day game approach) on a date where we drew on a sidewalk with rainbow driveway chalk, talked about our passions and then volunteered at a food bank.
• campus events
• find common interests and explore them together
  • plays, intramural sports, art history, outing club trips, frisby, etc.

My First Ever Campus Day Game Approach

I remember having a huge crush on this stunning freshman blonde girl who I’d see every day walking back to the dorms. She had the most unbelievable body I’d ever seen. I would melt every time I saw her. Flash forward to a couple months after pledging, I’m walking back from class, listening to my IPod, when I spot her walking just ahead of me. I felt some nervousness and I had no clue what day game even was at this point but all I knew was that I HAD to go talk to this girl. The angle was off, I looked like a drug dealer, another guy had just approached her 2 minutes before me, she didn’t even know what a fraternity was and she despised house parties. None of these factors mattered though. I just assumed it was on and kept talking. My beliefs “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing” carried me through the Triad Model and brought me the girl of my dreams.

TIPS

1) Be ballsy, no regrets

• 4 years flies by fast– before you know it, graduation will be right around the corner

2) Don’t be discouraged if she has a boyfriend

• in no way do I support cheating, but literally almost every single hot girl I knew in college cheated on her boyfriend at least once

• if you really like her, put her on the backburner (long fuse) and go approach other girls (you never know when she’ll come around)

3) Use Facebook to your advantage

• pictures say 1000 words about you (tag yourself in the good ones)

• display social proof and preselection

• friend her on Facebook only after you’ve been texting each other for a little while

4) Tend to your social garden

• make some good friends and always be doing fun things (1st semester senior year, we purchased 1000 ball pit balls and made a McDonald’s style ball pit in our house!!)

Chance

In SCM, Braddock talks about “hunting” vs. “farming”. For the most part, you won’t need to do much hunting (cold approaching) if you’ve pledged a legitimate fraternity. Every brother will be farming the girls he meets so you’ll all be harvesting crops together. Be sure not to lose sight of who your true friends are but you want to align with guys who are good farmers. This alone will dramatically increase the amount of hot girls you’ll have access to without expending much effort.

Note:

1) Groups of girls will almost always be late for social events. Be okay with it. One of their biggest fears is social awkwardness. By arriving early and sober, they run the risk of it being “awkward”.

2) Girls are masters at appearing innocent. At university, there are rarely, if any social consequences for a girl who sleeps around. No one really cares so no need to judge. Most of the time, she’ll pretend it didn’t happen, claiming she was “blackout” and her friends will cover for her.

PREGAMES:

- Hosting a pregame is a great way to have fun and build investment with girls before a party. College girls will usually go out in “squads” of 4 to 5 girls until one girl starts consistently hooking up with one guy in your group. You want to get “sticky” with at least one girl in her group. If they can enjoy themselves and feel comfortable hanging out with you and your group of friends, they’ll come back and bring more girls.

- Lights on. Music loud but low enough so everyone can hear each other.

- Alcohol – More hard alcohol, less beer. Anything fruity (jello shots, flavored vodka, etc) works well for girls. Play games where everyone can participate… our favorites were flip cup and a beer pong (Beirut) type of game called “Civil War”.

HOUSE PARTIES:

- Girls will travel far distances in heels, pushing through injury to get to a good house party with a DJ. It’s the highlight of their week to look sexy, get drunk, dance and hook up with cool guys. ANYTHING is possible at college parties. Sexual activity can happen anywhere: dance floor, bathroom, laundry room, outside on the central air conditioning unit, anywhere your imagination can think of.

- At house parties, you’ll get attraction off the bat just by having the confidence to start and hold a fun conversation with a group of strangers. Don’t get obliterated if you’re trying to meet girls. If you’re a “wallflower” at the party, trying to snipe girls off, you’ll be sure to creep them out. Talk to everyone, have fun and “let go of outcome”. If you can display social proof and a little bit of preselection, direct game (“Man Game”) will be like fishing with dynamite. Bounce her around after building attraction. A bounce within the house party could include grabbing a beer, smoking a cigarette outside, taking shots in a bedroom or showing her something cool in the house.

- Lights dimmed (black light is best). Music played really loud preferably by a DJ who can manage the tempo of the party and beat match songs together, eliminating awkward silences between songs.

- Alcohol– More beer, less hard alcohol. Kegs are cheap but they can slow down the pace of the party. Cases (cans) keep the party moving but you’ll pay more and have a bigger clean up. Hard alcohol will get finished off in the blink of an eye at a big party so try to conserve it, saving it for “VIP”! Once the alcohol runs out, everyone will start clearing out so be sure to have enough to last the night.

Part 3, I’ll get into postgames, facebook, campus approaches and any other college topics you guys would like info on.

Chance

For the majority of 18-year old high school seniors, college life is a vivid fantasy dreamt up full of crazy parties, hot girls, popularity and unforgettable memories. Finally escaping that sub-par high school reputation has the incoming freshman watering at the mouth for a fresh start. Never landing that high school crush is an agonizing stab at the heart but it can be used as leverage toward a new beginning. College can be a dream come true or a missed opportunity filled with regret and anguish.

During those first couple weekends, we would wander aimlessly around campus, sometimes 8 guys deep desperately trying to buy our way into a house party. Meanwhile, the hot girls on our floor would flock to fraternity, football, hockey, lacrosse and rugby parties.

For all the freshman and sophomores reading this who attend mid to large sized universities, take advantage if you get the opportunity to pledge a legitimate fraternity. It will make college game so much easier. Each fraternity elects a social chair who’s primary responsibility it is to organize parties with hot sorority girls. The social chair handles the alcohol, pregame, venue, DJ, transportation, logistics and all vomiting drunk people.

After about a month into the semester, “rush” will begin. Rush is a 2-week period where all the fraternities on campus host events with free food and alcohol with the purpose of recruiting new pledges. Lame fraternities will take anyone they can get (if you’re unsure if a fraternity is legit, ask a couple hot junior or senior sorority girls on campus). The popular fraternities on campus want pledges who are cool, confident, fun and have future ambitions to help improve the fraternity after they become brothers.

If you can keep that in mind, you should be able to make a good impression and generate some buzz amongst the brotherhood. If they like you, they’ll invite you to a “call back” rush event. After callbacks, the brotherhood will hold a meeting where they’ll vote on whether or not to extend a “bid” to you. A bid is an invitation to pledge their fraternity, which usually lasts from 6 to 8 weeks.

Be sure to pledge a fraternity that has high social value on campus, throws sick parties every weekend and plans bus trips, “date parties”, formal events and “mixers” with the hottest sororities. Huge. A mixer is a party where the fraternity and the sorority’s social chairs will decide on a theme (angels & devils, pimps & hoes, Halloween, Christmas, etc.) and throw it together.

Date parties were my personal favorite and are by far the easiest nights to get laid. This is where the brotherhood will rent out a venue and each brother can bring a date of his choice. If your fraternity has value and you’ve build some attraction with your date, you’ll be able to relax, introduce her to your friends, drink, tease her a bit, build comfort and escalate. Watch out for drunk brothers trying to swoop in on your date!

Also, have no fear of pledging a hazing fraternity. My inner game would not be where it is today if it weren’t for the mental, emotional and physical challenges that I faced throughout pledging. The pride we all felt wearing those Greek letters was a reflection of the struggle we had been through together and the respect we had each individually earned for ourselves. Two of my closest friends today were my pledge brothers.

When girls found out I had pledged the top fraternity on campus, my value exploded and the game suddenly became a whole lot easier. I thrived off the new positive reactions I was getting from girls but I didn’t really understand it… that is until I found Love Systems. Part 2 coming soon.

Chance

The LS student travels down a path of transformation extending deep into all aspects of his life. On his bootcamp, he gets a taste of what is possible. His instructors show him the door, but he is the one who must have the burning desire to walk through it. He is taught to gain experience through repetition, similar to practicing a jump shot in basketball, referring back to his notes as he plunges forward. Approaching consistently over time, the blowouts and flakey numbers don’t sting as bad and he slowly begins to “let go of outcome”. He learns to push through those harsh emotional dips and share his success stories with his mates (high fives!!). Regardless of his mental state, he lives to fight another day, small chunking and diligently working toward the dating life he dreams for himself. Qualification becomes a genuine phase in the Emotional Progression Model as he learns to respect himself and value his time; her external beauty becomes merely a prerequisite for the initial interaction. Riding the power of intention and unwavering tenacity, he begins to manifest abundance and confidence for himself.

Months down the line, knee-deep in the process, something happens which is rather unexpected but indeed remarkable. He finds a gem. Sharing deep comfort and intimacy, he discovers the depths of her personality and falls… hard. His hearts pounds as he holds her in his arms. Her feminine energy has the power to calm him down. Her demeanor radiates a subtle power in her sexuality and the sex they share is mind-blowing. He finds himself surprisingly vulnerable as he remembers why he ultimately began this amazing journey in the first place, looking deep into her beaming eyes.

Love Systems gives you the blade (skill set, knowledge) you’ll use to slay the dragon and the stallion (proper boundaries, standards & lifestyle) you’ll need to ride her out of the castle. Regardless of what happens with any one particular princess you fall in love with, you will ALWAYS have your blade and stallion. Love is one of the spoils of war, surprising you during your efforts battling in the trenches. Its an emotional roller coaster! I say enjoy the ride but don’t allow yourself to get knocked off your path. Subconsciously, she has the desire to become the second most important priority in your life, next to your passion. If for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, open up those bootcamp notes, grab a wing and start slaying dragons again.

Chance

Today’s guest post is by Eric J. Leech, a dating expert and professional blogger who primarily writes for DatingWebsites.org

- Nick Hoss

Most of what dating website’s members have learned about the rules of dating, have come from the people they’ve gone out with. (Love Systems’ Magic Bullets has redefined these rules.) However, consider the reason why most of these people are now your exes. Most of what you’ve learned, may be exactly why these people are still paying their membership dues year after year. If you are guilty of any of these sins on dating websites, you may already be well on your way to becoming a perpetual dating website’s member…

1. Envy: Thou Shall Not Lie to Impress Other Members

The worst offense on any dating website is lying. Statistics show that as many as 80 percent of men and women have lied about their age, weight, and job to impress another member. Some members actually fear rejection so much, they’d rather pretend to be someone they’re not, than risk being turned away for who they really are. Be the person that makes you happy, and if that makes another member happy too, then you’ve just found someone worthy of getting to know.

2. Sloth: Thou Shall Not Be a Lazy Communicator

Many dating website’s members are put off by the idea of using electronic devices in place of personal contact. This is referring to when a member cancels, announce their lateness, or attempts to break up with you via a text or e-mail. Any member who is reliant on technology to give and receive important personal messages, is either lazy, insecure, or guilty of hooking up with more members than they can handle.

3. Pride: Thou Shall Not Become Dependent on Other Members
There are times when men and women shouldn’t date because they are vulnerable. One of these times is when they are dependent on others to take care of them, due to a loss of a job, etc. A man or woman who is addicted to someone for support (emotional or monetary) will never be their equal. They will eventually resent that person for taking care of them. Do yourself a favor, and regain your independence (pride) before joining any dating websites.

4. Gluttony: Thou Shall Not Abuse Technology

There are some people who are just as interested in keeping up with old friends and co-workers on their computer or smart phone, as getting to know someone they’ve never met before. The result is a lot of waiting in between messaging/chatting, and sometimes a lack of response all-together. The last I checked, website dating etiquette was far from dead, which should include a hello, thank you, goodbye, and giving each member your full attention while they are either speaking or typing.

5. Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much From Any Member

Women and men get themselves in trouble when they expect too much from another member. They particularly don’t like waiting for all the answers to be unveiled, such as: Do they like me? Do they want children someday? Are they dating anyone else? Are their children dating anyone (a.k.a. are they lying about their age)? All these questions may be important to you, but they don’t need to be answered within the first couple minutes of chatting. Take everything in stride. Focus on enjoying getting to know other members, and letting the mystery unveil itself one step at a time.

6. Wrath: Thou Shall Not Allow Previous Anger/Distrust to Filter Across to a New Relationship

Expecting all dating website’s members to be like your ex is unfair, and can start a relationship off on the wrong foot. Relationships can be heartbreaking, but true love can never be achieved without first sharing yourself openly and honestly. In order for your relationships to be successful, they must begin on a clean slate. This means assuming every member is “not guilty” on all accounts of bad relationship practice (unless proven otherwise).

7. Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush Into Any Sexual Relationship

Sex is a fundamental need of every relationship, but rushing into it too soon can undermine intimacy, replacing it with lust. (Savoy covers this quite well in his Relationship Management DVD set.) A good man or woman may think about sex, and if allowed certain advantages, may even try to initiate it. However, a worthy partner is more likely to be enthralled by the chase, then focused on the reward. If you give away all your treasure before a member has had to earn it, you may lose your value on the dating market. As in most things, the more someone has to work for what they want, the more they’ll appreciate it.

- Eric J. Leech

With Sukh’s permission, I’ve posted this email below. I’d love to have readers comment, whether that’s in the comments section below, on Facebook or on Twitter, about their thoughts on this.

When I have time, I’ll write my own response, probably as a separate article.

Sukh, thanks for sending. You definitely raise some good points, and I look forward to discussing more soon (I’ll email you as well to let you know when I manage to write an update).

Thanks

Jeremy

Hey Soul

I’ve been in game for about 6 months now and I’m writing to you not because I want advice but because I am questioning part of the mindset of the community.

I recently read your post http://www.lifewithsoul.com/that-one-special-girl-isnt-that-special/ and found myself disagreeing with it. I’ll explain.

Why am I in game? Coz I want to be more successful with women and just improve my life as a whole. I want the skillset and want to keep it. However, if I were to find a woman that I deemed “special” I would want to be able to keep her. Game is notoriously bad at giving people useful advice on long term relationships.

I believe in the idea of that the things in life that have value are the things we put effort into. If I put effort into work or setting up events and give my time to something in mind and action then it is of real value. Now I do agree that in the initial stages of relationships – there is nothing special about a girl in the sense of what your post says. At that point its a bad investment. Maybe thats all the post is saying.

I would to like to ask PUAs what do they value in life? I mean really value. I value my career, my music, my good friends, my parents, myself, if i had a kid i imagine i would value him or her immensely. Why do I value these things? Because I’ve put my time and effort and love into them. There is a depth of value here. Although my parents often annoy me I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. They are special. This brings me onto another point. What is value? PUAs constantly say be high value. Lets be honest value is transient. I can be high value now and lose it tomorrow. The pickup community started with people like Ross Jeffries and Mystery telling people to pretend to be high value. Next generation of game told people to become and be high value – which i agree with. But when people talk about this it isn’t real value. Real value comes from the things you love – including yourself and people that love you. If I were to be in a terrible car crash tomorrow chances are my perceived value is going to plummet. If i base my life on perceived value and constantly play the game no one will really care if I became extremely ill. Someone who really values you will. I’m not an island. Although I’d like to I won’t always have a high perceived value. I’ve accepted that. It’s useful and game can help you get it but basing your life on it doesn’t seem wise.

Another thing I’ve noticed about the pickup community is that very few PUAs are in successful long term relationships. Adam Lyons is and I respect him for that. He’s had the fun and now values his wife with all his heart. Also at some point I want a family – a stable family. I fear that PUAs never outgrow the shallow lays and fear developing a far more complex interesting relationship – where there can be real feelings of need and loss but also greater feelings of intersubjectivity and wonder. Kind of like what the two characters in the film “Before Sunset” really aspire to. In the film they have a connection that they thought they could find again in other people but never really did.  I’d call it an ethnocentric sort of love which is difficult to find. They become “special” to each other. It doesn’t come originally come from a needy place. It can become a different sort of need though – For the more you invest in a relationship there will come a point where one needs that other person. The same way i need to play my guitar from time to time. It’s simply part of who I am. PUAs don’t like this idea of needing something. In fact they rarely use the love word. I can understand this at the beginning of relationships but human beings have fundamental needs. They feel the need to belong.

See: http://www.adam-mcfarland.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/800px-maslows_hierarchy_of_needssvg.png

“It is impossible to exist without passion”

— Søren Kierkegaard

Shouldn’t you be passionate about your long term girlfriend as long as she is too? To consider her special? Isn’t love the fact that you consider someone to be the work of your life and the fact that you’re the work of theirs?I love quoting Tolstoy here:

“All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”

Game teaches attraction skills. That’s it. People often talk about falling in love and love and often get them muddled up. You “fall in love” – meaning become attracted – game here is a god send. But past that is love which is where game gets a bit lost.  Relationships naturally change after the 18 month mark biologically. Chemicals in the brain turn the three core ideas of “love” which your post talks about off. It changes but if its worth it wouldn’t you want to grow with it? I personally feel good long term relationships are based on friendship + attraction. And like it or not but attraction like value is comes and goes because we are human beings. Hopefully game can make it be there more often. I think the reason divorces happen are because 1) the relationship was based on attraction alone and they never should have got together longterm in the first place 2) they grew apart instead of together 3) Attraction was lost and never worked on – became platonic.

I believe in constant growth. I want to get better and I have a way to go but I also want to grow past that. I have aspirations in life aside from in my love life and to grow together with a woman of high value where I am her equal is what I want. I mean who would I rather be a top PUA or someone like Einstein, Obama, Chomsky, Dylan. There are so many other more meaningful ways to grow.

Now in theory my viewpoint is all well and good but in order to practically know when to invest and who to invest in is a tricky one. You see investing in someone leaves a person in a naturally vulnerable position. No one likes that especially PUAs who usually like to feel in control. I don’t have an answer for this yet. But i’d rather gamble once in a while than play it safe. But it is a REAL gamble.

I guess I just want anyone who calls themselves a PUA to really look at who they are and what they want from life and make their own minds up. I’ve got a way to go in my journey and don’t get me wrong I don’t think you should invest in the first hot girl you see but I can imagine a time when I outgrow the game and want more and by this point I should have the skills to keep a woman of high value that loves me and connects with me and at this point why the hell wouldn’t I reciprocate and dive in.

Wish you all the best

Sukh

p.s. I love good debate too so feel free to criticise or poke holes in my argument.

 

Nick’s one of the best day gamers (and day game instructors) in the world and I’ve side-by-side with him for over a year now. In fact, he’s gotten so good that he is teaching large chunks of my Day Game Workshops now.

The cool thing about Nick though is that he has great night game too and has been going out for 3.5 years. At each of his mini-seminars on the tour, he will be giving special talks on topics like social circle master, inner game, college game and his Super Conference speech on advanced comfort. He also will have question and answer sessions at each seminar. Not to mention, Savoy will be attending one of his talks too.

Nick tells me that these seminars (3 hours long) are only $45. I think you’d be crazy not to attend that price.

Click on this Day Game Tour   link and register today! Nick will only be in California for a limited time.

And make sure to check out Nick Hoss in action in the video below: