WHAT YOU GET

Cajun outlines a system from how to set up your profile to how to ask her out. Obviously you can expect there to be sections like “Profile Pictures” and “About Me” write-ups, but the real gems are the examples Cajun gives AND the description of how to personalize them. This is key in my mind.
You get box-by-box advice of how to setup your profile, what to include and what to definitely avoid. (It’s funny how that one little tweak to your profile can get you exponential gains.) He also outlines the major difference between boring profiles and ones girls message.

With that, there is a plethora of message logs included, all real examples of what’s worked for Cajun before. He also includes chat logs of instant messages, which is a nice way of showing the subtle differences of chatting in real time versus over message.

There is also a two-page cheat sheet of extra tips that add some nice icing to your online game.

Tenmagnet drops in a nice chapter on the lost art of phone game. Everybody has become so concerned with texting in the past couple of years that there hasn’t been much said about phone game, a necessity, recently. This guy was my original mentor and I can tell you there is NOBODY better on the phone than him. He gives the what to say, when to call, how to ask her out info you need. A must read.

Keychain also has a nice quick start guide so you can get your profile going and get some dates as you improve it with Cajun’s advice.

Read the rest of Nick Hoss’ Gentleman’s Guide to Online Game review and see photos from the book.

 Alexander Technique Intro

The Alexander Technique is a subtle method of sensitivity re-education that works to change habits in everyday activities. As I use words to describe phenomena in these series of articles, realize that they are just a guide for your imagination. Only an Alexander teacher’s hands can give you a real experience of kinesthetic reawakening and freedom. The student is taught how to free himself from unconscious muscle tension and accumulated emotional trauma stored in his body. This indirectly results in increased spacial awareness and better posture over time.

One of the biggest obstacles in game is undoubtedly the fight or flight response to a particular stimulus (loud music, social pressure, etc.) I’ll use approach anxiety for example:

1. Stimulus (sexy blonde girl in “leave-em-on” heals at the night club)

2. Emotion (attraction → approach anxiety)

3. Thought (“she’s out of my league” → “she probably has a boyfriend anyway” → “need more alcohol!!”)

Be _________

If you’ve ever heard the advice “be confident” or “just be yourself”, the key word is actually be. “Being” is somewhat foreign to western culture, which is a very results oriented, doing society. It’s not so much what you say to her or how many lines you can spit, its how you say it and what you’re sub-communicating about yourself. These principles are called “end gaining” vs. “the means whereby” in Alexander’s texts.

Doing too much for a desired outcome is a perceived sign of insecurity and neediness in a social context. Trying to be something (funny, alpha, etc.) unfortunately does not lead to attraction with women. In dating science, this would be called “try-hard.” Feeling secure, charismatic and sexy can begin from a place of becoming present to your entire body, giving a single conscious “direction” of thought (aka “I’m a sexy beast”) and taking right action.

If you find yourself battling negative self talk a lot (as I did), make sure not to make your self wrong for having those thoughts. Accept that your negative thoughts are just trying to protect you, that they are not real, breathe and come into your body. If applied, these tips can be stepping stones toward developing presence and becoming internally validated.

Hope this helps.

I’ll get into some direct Alexander applications for better body language in the next one.

Chance

INNER GAME

You don’t need to eat nasty concoctions, throw up 4 times a day or do pushups until you pass out to feel proud of who you are as a man. Tony Robbins talks about inspiration and desperation as two of the most powerful underlying motivators for people. Remember what you had to overcome to get to this point in your life and use that as fuel for your fire. If you are on your purpose, having a blast along the way, everyone will be drawn to you.

Walking around campus after initiation, I remember thinking to myself: “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing”. These beliefs are great to internalize. The music I was listening to was having a big impact on my state as well. Any type of music that brings you up to a higher frequency where you feel passionate, appreciative and empowered will help for day game. The key is to channel your emotions, be genuine and own your masculinity.

CAMPUS DAY GAME APPROACHES

Opening

• Jeremy Soul-style direct openers are very effective
  • (excuse me, I just saw you doing X, I had to come tell you Y, my name is _____)
  • approach thinking “I’m going to make this girl’s day”
  • get excited, take chances
• use situational openers for girls in your immediate proximity
  • ex: sitting next to her in class, standing on line at the dining hall, etc.
  • contextual questions / comments, banter & humor

Sample Topics of Conversation

• shared experiences
  • ex: dorm life conditions, dining hall food, finals, professors, etc.
  • hometowns, lingo, culture, study abroad
• involvement on campus
  • ex: student government, music, fraternity, athletics, yoga, volunteer groups, etc.
  • talk about why you are passionate about it so you can connect with her on that emotion
• social circle, epic stories, last weekend’s mayhem
• favorite classes, major

Day 2 Ideas

• study session at library or other public location
• pregame, party, daydrink, sporting event (tailgate)
  • invite her & her friends
• daytime date
  • ex: I once took a creative girl (day game approach) on a date where we drew on a sidewalk with rainbow driveway chalk, talked about our passions and then volunteered at a food bank.
• campus events
• find common interests and explore them together
  • plays, intramural sports, art history, outing club trips, frisby, etc.

My First Ever Campus Day Game Approach

I remember having a huge crush on this stunning freshman blonde girl who I’d see every day walking back to the dorms. She had the most unbelievable body I’d ever seen. I would melt every time I saw her. Flash forward to a couple months after pledging, I’m walking back from class, listening to my IPod, when I spot her walking just ahead of me. I felt some nervousness and I had no clue what day game even was at this point but all I knew was that I HAD to go talk to this girl. The angle was off, I looked like a drug dealer, another guy had just approached her 2 minutes before me, she didn’t even know what a fraternity was and she despised house parties. None of these factors mattered though. I just assumed it was on and kept talking. My beliefs “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me”, “anything is possible”, “I am on fire right now” and “my life is amazing” carried me through the Triad Model and brought me the girl of my dreams.

TIPS

1) Be ballsy, no regrets

• 4 years flies by fast– before you know it, graduation will be right around the corner

2) Don’t be discouraged if she has a boyfriend

• in no way do I support cheating, but literally almost every single hot girl I knew in college cheated on her boyfriend at least once

• if you really like her, put her on the backburner (long fuse) and go approach other girls (you never know when she’ll come around)

3) Use Facebook to your advantage

• pictures say 1000 words about you (tag yourself in the good ones)

• display social proof and preselection

• friend her on Facebook only after you’ve been texting each other for a little while

4) Tend to your social garden

• make some good friends and always be doing fun things (1st semester senior year, we purchased 1000 ball pit balls and made a McDonald’s style ball pit in our house!!)

Chance

One of the key beliefs that all the guys who are good with women possess is the deeply held belief that they are attractive to women. This is what we call confidence. This isn’t that “Fake it till you make it” confidence, this is confidence which is built by experience and is rooted in truth.

When asking Naturals (guys who are naturally good with women) on how to improve your success with women I’m sure you’ve all heard a variation of the answer, “It’s easy man, you just to be more confident”.

Every time I heard that I would boil inside and suddenly have the urge to punch someone in the face. In my head I would ask myself “What does that even mean? How the fuck do I be more confident?” When you think about it that answer it is actually very correct, what Naturals usually fail to mention is the experiences that molded that confidence.

Those experiences like losing their virginity at a 15; the blowjob they got at a party from Brenda in the 7th grade; the sexual encounter they had with Suzy on Prom night; the 30+ women they slept with in college, and that hot little intern they banged in the supply closet at work last Thursday.

If you had those experiences, do you think you would be confident in your abilities with women?

Experience makes the man. The only difference between you and someone who is good with women is they have more positive reference experience than you telling them that they are attractive to women.

The Power of Beliefs

When I first made the commitment to improve my dating life I was a mess. I had very little experience with women (I had only been with 1 girl) and I had not been laid in 3 years. At this time I was also very overweight and I was not satisfied with my life. I have very few photos from age 20-25 because I always avoided confrontations with cameras, because every time I saw myself it reminded me of a fat loser who sucked with girls.

You can see how having this type of belief really hindered my success with women. The way you interact with women will be filtered through your beliefs. If you don’t think you are attractive, women aren’t going to either. Your lack of confidence in your self will be felt by any girls you interact with, and will destroy any chances you may have at a romantic relationship.

Our beliefs are the filter that we see the world through and which activates our behavior. Most of our beliefs have been adopted during our childhood and have been reinforced by our experiences year after year. Whatever you believe, your mind will find proof of it in your everyday life and make that belief stronger.

You can’t just get rid of a belief; you have to replace it with a new one. So if you believe you are not attractive to women, you have to replace it with the belief that you are attractive to women. To cultivate this new belief you have to prove to yourself through your experiences that this new belief is true.

Actions Steps to Cultivate Your New Belief

Here are some action steps you can take right away to start building your confidence. Now I’m not going to lie and tell you this process is going to be easy. Getting good at game is hard. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your confidence. I promise you the rewards are worth it though.

The first thing to do is to ask yourself “Do I believe I am attractive to women?” Dig really deep and answer that question. Be honest. Nobody wants to admit they think they are unattractive. I know I didn’t, but when I came to terms with it I was able to start figuring out a solution.

Next step is every time you go out, make a conscious effort to find proof you are attractive to women. When you get home write down the proof you’ve collected in your journal.

Important Note: If you aren’t journaling you are missing out on a great way to pin point your sticking points so you can correct them and to also reflect on your progress. Self observation is key to self growth.

An Even More Important Note: If you aren’t going out regularly and interacting with women you are shooting yourself in the foot. You’re robbing yourself of the necessary experience you need to build your confidence. As you go out and have positive experiences you will replace a lot of your bad beliefs with truths that you’ll discover. SO GO OUT, BITCHES!

If a girl tells you are cute or she thinks your cool, make sure you log that in your journal. If you are talking to a girl and she looks like she’s attracted to you. Log it in your journal. If you kiss a girl. Log it in your journal. If you kiss a girl, she doesn’t reciprocate, but stays and talks to you still. Log it in your journal. You get the picture. Any positive reference experiences that can reinforce the belief that you are attractive to women should be recorded.

Here’s a few of my experiences that I recorded in my journal when I first got into Pick Up:

Girl stayed and talked to me for almost an hour.

Girl stayed to talk with me even when her friends wanted to leave.

Girl gave me her phone number.

Girl held my hand in the club.

Girl told me “You’re one of the coolest guys I’ve met.”

Girl bought me a shot of Patron.

Here are some of my experiences from this year that I recorded in my journal:

Lesbian at the club told me “You’re very handsome. If I wasn’t a lesbian I’d be all up on you. My friends are single though”.

Had sex with a girl 30 minutes after meeting her.

Girl at gas station tells me “You’re gorgeous” than turns to her friend and says “He’s hot. I want to sit on his face”.

Girl I sleep with tells me she’s not normally into Asian guys, but was really attracted to me because of the way I talked to her.

Girl takes me aside and makes out with me after I have sex with her cousin.

Went direct on a girl who was with her cousin and sister at Yogurt Land. Her cousin and sister tell me I have balls. As I’m taking to her, they tell my wing that I have good game.

You probably see the difference between my successful experiences earlier in my development and my recent experiences. As you acquire positive reference experiences it will increase your confidence, which will then cause the amount and quality of your positive experiences to increase. These experiences will act as a positive feedback loop reinforcing the belief that you are attractive to women. Picture a snowball going down a hill. At first it’s a tiny snowball, but by the time it’s reached the bottom of the hill it’s a huge boulder that will crush anything in its path.

I’d like to mention I’m not advocating only putting positive things in your journal. Write out your field reports and thoughts like you normally do and add a section at the end for this.

Additionally you can also take the same process to attack other limiting beliefs you may have. Here are a few that I’ve conquered using the same process:

Belief that “Girls don’t like sex” to “Girls love sex”

Belief that “White girls are not attracted to me because I’m Asian” to “White girls are attracted to me because I’m confident” (Also did this for Black girls and Latina girls.)

Belief that “Hot women do not normally go home with a guy the same night” to “Hot women will go home with a guy she is attracted to if he escalates and logistics permit”

In closing most guys lack confidence with women simply because they lack the experiences that allow them to be confident. Luckily for all of us, we have countless opportunities to gather these experiences to build our confidence. So be proactive, go out, talk to women, and create those experiences.

Kastle

Nick is one of my top guys. Anyone taking a Day Game Workshop with me this year in the USA is very likely to meet him. Check out some of his reviews on The Attraction Forums. A rapidly growing Love Systems star, especially when it comes to day game.

Nick has written about the most common day game mistakes that aspiring pick up artists make. Check it out and heed his words.

Nick Hoss is a Project Rockstar coach who will be situated in New York City from May until August 2011. He is available for day and night game one on ones and phone consultations anywhere in the world.

Please check out:

-Nick’s blog at www.nickhoss.com — A budding resource, complete with a must-have PUA reading list

-Nick’s Twitter @LS_NickHoss –Tips and live quotes from in the field.

-Nick’s Facebook Page www.facebook.com/NickHoss — Daily pick-up articles, videos and links