Hey guys, I’m currently stuck in my house as the flood in Colorado is nearly taking over everything. Luckily, this gives me enough time to work on my next segment, which was mentioned in my first article, that covers the natural fear of strangers. This article is going to be pretty introductory as far as theory, but is powerful if you actually implement the advice. On top of that, this goes much further than just meeting women! This is literally advice for every interaction that you’ll have the rest of your life.
What is fear? According to dictionary.com fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.” Sometimes a fear is real, but in this day and age fear is mostly in your head because you don’t know what the outcome of a situation will be. People aren’t actually afraid of approaching, talking and meeting new people. They’re afraid of the rejection that could possibly come from it. Your fear is influenced by habitual negative thoughts that you constantly say to yourself. “They don’t want to talk to me.” “I’m too awkward, too ugly, too short, too stupid, not in the right clothes, etc.”
Fear finds ways to creep up on you and influence your actions, whether you’re aware that it’s actually fear or not. It you vs yourself. You can view yourself as someone inferior, unworthy, and unattractive, or you can believe the opposite. Whatever it is though, your thoughts create meaning. The belief that you aren’t worthy undoubtedly leads to low self-esteem, awkwardness, and the painful conclusion that people you enjoy, won’t enjoy you. More on how to defeat this cycle, here.
Easy, actionable steps to overcome your fear of strangers:
1. Analyze what you are saying to yourself: Change your negative judgments and labels about yourself AND about others. Identify what goes on in your head when you come up with a reason not to do an approach and make note of it. Later, come back to these negative labels and judgments and write why you feel this way, then write a belief that is of the person you want to be and how you could get there. Write these ideal beliefs down somewhere you can constantly reference to. Sometimes it’s going to be easy to fall back in to negative habits since they’ve happened for so long. Reference your notes and give yourself a shot of reality rather than distorted judgements about yourself.
2. Reframe what you desire from an interaction: Of course you’d love to take that girl home, on a date, or make her your girlfriend. But you’ve got to take one step at a time and set realistic expectations, whether it’s Daygame or Nightgame. Reframe the experience so that the stakes aren’t so high. As Braddock would say, “stop treating every set like it’s the super-bowl.” Think of every woman as opportunity to get to meet you and a possibility of meeting someone who interests you. Be curious, but not worried about what will happen. You don’t want or need anything from her and a refusal of your interest is a lost opportunity for her, nothing more or less.
3. Reframe rejection: The common conclusion when you get rejected is that you have physical or character flaws or think of yourself as socially incompetent. STOP THIS NOW. You are assuming facts that are not based in evidence. There could be a million reasons for any refusal or rejection, so why are you pinning it on yourself every time? Everyone has personal schedules, the willingness to meet someone new, mood, and other things going on in their life that affects them day to day. A girl one day can be completely open to meeting a guy on the street, but the next day have so much stress in her life she can’t give it the time of day. Don’t take it personally. Attributing a rejection to yourself leads you to the most negative possible interpretation, but has nothing to back it up. Even instructors, guys who get paid to teach this, get rejected. No guy can pick up every woman no matter where they go at any time. Any guy who claims they can is bullshitting you.