» nickhoss

Review of Cajun’s Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating

nickhoss — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 23:29:11 +0000

Cajun’s Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating conquers all PUA online game material I’ve read. There seems to be a new tip on profiles, messages or site on each page. I’ve probably learned more new stuff from this book than other products because nobody has covered online game before.

WHAT YOU GET

Cajun outlines a system from how to set up your profile to how to ask her out. Obviously you can expect there to be sections like “Profile Pictures” and “About Me” write-ups, but the real gems are the examples Cajun gives AND the description of how to personalize them. This is key in my mind.
You get box-by-box advice of how to setup your profile, what to include and what to definitely avoid. (It’s funny how that one little tweak to your profile can get you exponential gains.) He also outlines the major difference between boring profiles and ones girls message.

With that, there is a plethora of message logs included, all real examples of what’s worked for Cajun before. He also includes chat logs of instant messages, which is a nice way of showing the subtle differences of chatting in real time versus over message.

There is also a two-page cheat sheet of extra tips that add some nice icing to your online game.

Tenmagnet drops in a nice chapter on the lost art of phone game. Everybody has become so concerned with texting in the past couple of years that there hasn’t been much said about phone game, a necessity, recently. This guy was my original mentor and I can tell you there is NOBODY better on the phone than him. He gives the what to say, when to call, how to ask her out info you need. A must read.

Keychain also has a nice quick start guide so you can get your profile going and get some dates as you improve it with Cajun’s advice.

Read the rest of Nick Hoss’ Gentleman’s Guide to Online Game review and see photos from the book.

8 Insights to Progress Your Journey Faster

nickhoss — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 06:15:35 +0000

Here’s an incredibly informative post put up on the Lounge by Zman. I thought that this post was noteworthy enough to post here for a broader audience to learn from.

-Nick Hoss

All right guys. It’s been almost a year since I began this journey. I have a long way to achieve success, but holy hell! I don’t recognize the version of me from a year ago. So if I’m offering newbies advice on how to get started, here are the big ones.

Unfuck your mind first.

I am finally getting treated for ADD. I realized just how much this and depression runs in my family. Plenty of students only suffer from bad beliefs, but if The Attraction Forums and instructors’ stories are any guide, plenty of people have psychological issues that need to be addressed first. It’s worth a conversation with a doctor.

Learn to set goals and manage time.

It seems like the fastest rising instructors were straight A students who had their lives together, and game was just another endeavor for them to apply their intellect and willpower. Speaking from experience, that wasn’t me. I got by in life by being ridiculously smart, so I could still do well in my career because I picked a field, math, where I was naturally good. Learning game takes a lot of time, and I could have gotten so much more out of the first six months of practicing if I had been better at goal setting.

Progress is not a smooth path.

For the first three months I went out with zero success whatsoever. I took my bootcamp at a point where I had gone two years without sex. Even if you’re improving, don’t expect to get laid immediately if your baseline is that bad. But what I found is that you keep doing it, you will seem like you’re stagnating, and then your game changes overnight. One day things will click, and you get more confidence than you have before. Who knows when those tipping points will occur, but you have to keep going at it.

Seeing is believing (with a twist).

It was one thing to see my instructors who are not classically good looking pull girls left and right at the workshops. For a lot of people that turns them into believers. I found the exact opposite. I needed to see decent and good looking guys who sucked with women. A lot of guys I met through the attraction forums fit this description. When you see a single instructor pull a hit girl, it’s incredible as first, but with time your mind can dismiss the instructor as an anomaly. When you see good looking guy after good looking guy fail with women, it shatters your reality of what it takes to succeed in dating.

Inner game is necessary but not sufficient:

Part of my new inner game is chemical, no doubt. Getting treated for ADD means I’m taking an amphetamine. It puts me in a great mood and gets me to accomplish tasks. But I went out to the bar with the intent of just having a good time for my first night out alone. When you let the conversation flow naturally, you’re not progressing the interaction, and there is a good chance a woman will lose romantic interest, even if she sees you as a great friend. My natural friends use routines in a different way: for instance being incredible dancers and drawing attention based on that. While we’re on the topic of progressing the interaction…

Remember to move past the attraction phase

Instructors warn us about this, because sometimes attraction can be more seductive than seduction. It’s especially dangerous for guys like me who never got attraction before. It’s intoxicating, and sometimes you don’t want to move to other parts of the interaction. I remember when I started, I went totally over the top, wanting to shoot lightning bolts of attraction at the girl and insecurely fearing the interaction would die otherwise.

Once your inner game gets better, you may think that this problem will go away, but it doesn’t. Now that I’m in more of a “let the conversation flow naturally” mode, I tend to get stuck in attraction because it’s fun. I’m not afraid of the later steps. I just space out and forget to move to those phases. Learn from my mistake.

Going out alone is no big deal:

If you’re in a good mood, you can make friends with everybody. I just went out for the first 30 minutes and just started talking to people. It was a little bit daunting, because I hadn’t practiced short setting before. Sometimes I ran into the same “Fuck, what do I say?” mentality that used to plague me from approaching girls. But wow, what a difference, and it gets me into a great mood. I just feel like the social guy. I can’t believe it took so long for me to tackle this simple sticking point. And finally…

Keep a list of your sticking points:

Make sure your inner game can handle this. For me, my sticking point is still opening mixed sets. Now I’m making it a goal to open mixed sets, and just see what happens. In some cases, I’m driving an hour away, just so I can feel comfortable tackling those sticking points. If you regularly make it a goal to list all the things you’ve done to break out of your comfort zone, it will make you progress so much faster.

I’ll keep in touch with you guys a month from now, letting everybody know how I’m progressing.

- Zman

Online Dating – Seven Sins of Dating Websites

nickhoss — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 20:08:21 +0000

Today’s guest post is by Eric J. Leech, a dating expert and professional blogger who primarily writes for DatingWebsites.org

- Nick Hoss

Most of what dating website’s members have learned about the rules of dating, have come from the people they’ve gone out with. (Love Systems’ Magic Bullets has redefined these rules.) However, consider the reason why most of these people are now your exes. Most of what you’ve learned, may be exactly why these people are still paying their membership dues year after year. If you are guilty of any of these sins on dating websites, you may already be well on your way to becoming a perpetual dating website’s member…

1. Envy: Thou Shall Not Lie to Impress Other Members

The worst offense on any dating website is lying. Statistics show that as many as 80 percent of men and women have lied about their age, weight, and job to impress another member. Some members actually fear rejection so much, they’d rather pretend to be someone they’re not, than risk being turned away for who they really are. Be the person that makes you happy, and if that makes another member happy too, then you’ve just found someone worthy of getting to know.

2. Sloth: Thou Shall Not Be a Lazy Communicator

Many dating website’s members are put off by the idea of using electronic devices in place of personal contact. This is referring to when a member cancels, announce their lateness, or attempts to break up with you via a text or e-mail. Any member who is reliant on technology to give and receive important personal messages, is either lazy, insecure, or guilty of hooking up with more members than they can handle.

3. Pride: Thou Shall Not Become Dependent on Other Members
There are times when men and women shouldn’t date because they are vulnerable. One of these times is when they are dependent on others to take care of them, due to a loss of a job, etc. A man or woman who is addicted to someone for support (emotional or monetary) will never be their equal. They will eventually resent that person for taking care of them. Do yourself a favor, and regain your independence (pride) before joining any dating websites.

4. Gluttony: Thou Shall Not Abuse Technology

There are some people who are just as interested in keeping up with old friends and co-workers on their computer or smart phone, as getting to know someone they’ve never met before. The result is a lot of waiting in between messaging/chatting, and sometimes a lack of response all-together. The last I checked, website dating etiquette was far from dead, which should include a hello, thank you, goodbye, and giving each member your full attention while they are either speaking or typing.

5. Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much From Any Member

Women and men get themselves in trouble when they expect too much from another member. They particularly don’t like waiting for all the answers to be unveiled, such as: Do they like me? Do they want children someday? Are they dating anyone else? Are their children dating anyone (a.k.a. are they lying about their age)? All these questions may be important to you, but they don’t need to be answered within the first couple minutes of chatting. Take everything in stride. Focus on enjoying getting to know other members, and letting the mystery unveil itself one step at a time.

6. Wrath: Thou Shall Not Allow Previous Anger/Distrust to Filter Across to a New Relationship

Expecting all dating website’s members to be like your ex is unfair, and can start a relationship off on the wrong foot. Relationships can be heartbreaking, but true love can never be achieved without first sharing yourself openly and honestly. In order for your relationships to be successful, they must begin on a clean slate. This means assuming every member is “not guilty” on all accounts of bad relationship practice (unless proven otherwise).

7. Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush Into Any Sexual Relationship

Sex is a fundamental need of every relationship, but rushing into it too soon can undermine intimacy, replacing it with lust. (Savoy covers this quite well in his Relationship Management DVD set.) A good man or woman may think about sex, and if allowed certain advantages, may even try to initiate it. However, a worthy partner is more likely to be enthralled by the chase, then focused on the reward. If you give away all your treasure before a member has had to earn it, you may lose your value on the dating market. As in most things, the more someone has to work for what they want, the more they’ll appreciate it.

- Eric J. Leech