» 2010 » July

Project Rockstar 2010 Thank Yous

Jeremy Soul — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 11:09:57 +0000

We Rocked Cafe Opera & Stockholm like Rockstars

Dear Project Rockstar participants, coaches and mentors,

As I fly back from Stockholm to London, I reflect on the past six weeks, and indeed, the past six months of my life.

When I first took on Project Rockstar in January, I was full of Hope. What would this year’s Rockstar bring?

I started working hard to design what I envisaged to be the best Rockstar ever. I spread the word, rallied the troops, rigorously screened, intervied and tested participants, pitched mentors and contacts to coach, and coordinated logistics for people to fly to London and Stockholm from Dubai, Sydney, Bangkok, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Arizona, Montreal and Ottawa.

Soon after, life started throwing me curveballs. My father had a heart attack and a subsequent stroke left him hospital-bound for the next four months.

The lifestyle I had designed for myself, travelling around the world teaching Dating Workshops to men, suddenly seemed less important, and became an obstacle that prevented me from being there for my family.

My world turned upside down; emotionally, logistically and financially. Trying to be in London to look after my family and our household, maintaining my workshop schedule, and setting up and maintaining Project Rockstar had me at breaking point over and over again.

Perhaps the ultimate low was when I was stranded in Sydney, the day after a workshop. An Icelandic volcano had erupted and meant I was stuck in Australia for another two weeks while my father was in hospital. The day I was supposed to be there just before he went into surgery, I received a text message from him: “Jeremy – I love you.”

It was the first time my father had ever told me that, and I read and re-read that text message as I cried on a bed 10,000 miles away from where I wanted to be.

Words cannot convey to you the extremes of emotion I have been through in these past six months. This morning, when I woke up after last night’s party in the arms of a woman I love, my body, mind and soul ached.

I was hungover. Hungover from the stress, pain, fatigue, frustration and tears of the past six months.

During Project Rockstar, at the times when my father was most ill and I was most absent, and when it seemed like I was simply trying to juggle too much, I doubted myself and my choices. Had I taken on more than I could handle? Was Project Rockstar really worth all the effort I had put in?

I was in my own Dip, that period of Insight. I considered cancelling Project Rockstar when my father first went into hospital, but I hated the thought of letting so many people down.

So I kept going; I didn’t know where the hell I would find the energy and the willpower to do everything, but I knew I could not let you all down.

Last night, at the final Rockstar party, which also served as my Stockholm Leaving party, I knew where I had found the energy from: from each and every one of you.

Your insights into life, your comfort when I was down, your companionship when I needed it, your solidarity by my side will not be forgotten. It has been an honor to serve as your mentor and your friend in these past six weeks.

As each of you grow into future leaders of the world, socially, financially, emotionally, remember that we could not have done it without each other.

To you, gentlemen. From the bottom of my heart and the crest of my soul, thank you.

Kind regards,

Jeremy Soul

Making it Through “The Dip”

Jeremy Soul — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 10:15:16 +0000

The Dip in graph form

Hey guys, I’m passing over to Collin B, one of our awesome Project Rockstars from this year, for his thoughts on making it through The Dip in his progress throughout Rockstar.

Great post – a lot of people in the world need to heed these words, especially in those tough times when it seems like you’re not getting to where you want to be.

Jeremy Soul

—

Early in Rockstar Soul taught us about a U- shaped mood curve. When you’re learning a new skill, you’re very excited at first. But as you try to implement what you’ve learned, you actually get worse results than before because you’re consciously thinking about the new information so much. At the very bottom of the curve, your mood is very low, you may question if it’s worth it, and many people quit. But once you make it through the bottom of the curve, the turning point where everything “clicks”, you start experiencing better results, the mood starts going up again. And as you move along the curve, you start feeling the excitement again, and having much more fun, which makes the curve skyrocket even higher, and at a faster rate.

This diagram that Soul shared with us has proven to be very true. Not just in game, Chase shared a similar concept when starting a new business, he called it getting through “the dip”. I can see different Rockstars at different points of the curve. Personally I have made it through the bottom of the curve when everything came together, and now when I go out I am having fun again, and my results are improving drastically every single night I go out. It’s a great place to be. What I didn’t understand is that I have been getting better and moving forward since the very beginning, even though at times I felt I was moving backwards because my results were getting worse. Really I was just progressing along the curve like I was supposed to. Now I know that this is normal and just a part of the process. You HAVE to go through the dip in order to make it work.

The problem is a lot of people don’t make it through because as they move along the curve, their mood is dropping and they are having less fun, which makes it more difficult to stay motivated. But we should realize that this drop in mood is a good thing. That means you’re making progress and you’re almost there. That means you just have to stick it out a little bit longer and you’ll make it through the bottom of the dip, everything will click, and you will start the rising portion of the curve, where you’re having a blast and feel invincible and soon your mood and results will shoot up much higher than you ever thought they could be.

In game, and in life in general, everyone seems to always be looking for a shortcut. A “magic bullet” or a pill where they just wake up one day and suddenly they are great with women. But you can’t cheat this curve. I don’t have very fond memories of being in London. I was on the first half of the curve, and it sucked. It was tough, and I was way out of my comfort zone. I was getting no results. I was experiencing painful rejections out in public in the middle of the day. I was getting humiliated at night by getting blown out repeatedly. It didn’t seem like it at the time, but this was all forward progress. I HAD to go through those painful, embarrassing moments to come out the other end a different person. There is no way around this. There is no shortcut, no trick I could have learned to get to the point where I have gotten now. The only way is to man up and go through the painful times and stay with it long enough to make it past the dip. After enough blowouts, I just stopped caring about the outcome. That’s when I started seeing flashes of the rising curve.

The reason I’m posting this is because before Rockstar I never stuck with it long enough to make it through the dip, to the fun part. I tried to m ake it work, but after a few harsh rejections and some uncomfortable feelings I would quit. It seemed pointless to me – I was having less fun and getting worse results, so why should I keep trying? I expected instant results and fun times. I didn’t know about the U curve.

But now looking back, I can see a few moments where I was ALMOST there, if I had just pushed through a little bit longer I would have made it to the other side. I wish I knew about this back then, because life after the dip is full of excitement and positive feelings. It’s such a liberating feeling to be able to go up and talk to any woman you want, at any time. If anyone reading this can relate, keep moving along – you’re probably almost there!

Collin

Reader Reply: Why David DeAngelo Can Mess Up Your Game

Jeremy Soul — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 07:37:50 +0000

Too much cocky funny can be bad for your game

Hi Patrick,

Thank you for your detailed comment. I thought the answers to your questions would benefit everyone, so I’ve written the response here as a brand new article. I hope that you get the information you need out of it.

On family issues, yes it’s true that how we grow up with our family can determine a lot of our social ability and inclinations. But you have to remember, we are all subject to external forces and ultimately, it’s down to us to choose who we want to become.

External forces will always heavily influence us, but when a bad environment surrounds us, we can choose to either become bad ourselves (joining the environment), or fight against it and do everything we can not to become it. People who have bad upbringings or have been through tough times in their life (and let’s face it, most of us have in some way or other), know this fight.

Ultimately, we can all find 100 excuses to explain why we are the way we are, but that won’t change the present. The present can only be changed by taking action, and that’s what improving your life, getting better with women and people is about: ACTION.

I hear what you’re saying about David DeAngelo’s material. I too started out by studying his stuff. But Double Your Dating only teaches you a tiny, tiny piece of the puzzle (how not to act like a pussy, and how to be cocky and funny), and it can mess up your sense of physical escalation. Read up on the Love Systems Triad for a more complete model of seduction, and definitely get Magic Bullets if you haven’t read it already.

Have you taken a Bootcamp with us yet? Have you found wingmen to join you on your journey of self-improvement? Are you practicing approaching and meeting women regularly? If you haven’t done/are not doing these three things, that’s where you’re going wrong.

No one, and I mean no one, ever achieved happiness and got good at something without putting in the hard work for it, day after day, month after month, year after year.

Good luck to you, brother, let us know how you get on.

Jeremy Soul

This is a great post along with the one on u-shaped mood curves. I’ve read a ton of pua blogs and I have to say u come across as one of the few that’s extremely genuine and authentic. What stuck out to me with your post is the statement u made on our relationship with our parents and that very rarely can other relationship match that closeness. I was especially drawn to this idea because this is where I’m getting stuck in my pua journey and all my relationships not only with women but with friends and even family. I never had a strong relationship with either parents and in fact it’s practically non existent. To make it short my mother passed away tragically when I was young and father was an introvert who wasn’t much of a fatherly figure and remarried and started a new family. I’m not looking for pity or anything like that but I’ve come to a point where I am stuck and looking for directions. My main issue is just being able to connect with people in a long term basis and it seems as though my childhood experiences have impacted my social ability to do that. I’ve hooked up with a couple girls as a teen and had my first gf at 19 but it was never my choice… Always the women who picked me. When I first started learning pua I had David D’s material and I started to learn alot on building inner game, attraction and comfort but never pushed to physcially escalate. I’m not sure why… Maybe fear or rejection and a part of me always believe I can’t make this women happy in the long term since I’m not even happy with my relationship with my direct family and they’re suppose to be the closest people we have. Now I know I’m not the only person with family issues but I know that’s a huge factor affecting my ability to build long term social circles and intimate relationships. I don’t know if you have suggestion or direction for me but if u do please do share. Sorry for ranting on and on but I’ve been single and desparate for past 3 years now. I currently have a girl at work diggin me and even gave me the option to move in with her but she’s way outta shape and I still have some standards lol. I just need some help before I start losing all my standards and hook up with UGs for the rest of my life. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now next to a woman with no teeth so please help!! I’m 27 and at the point where I’m close to giving up trying and desparately need help with inner game, building a social circle, and just being a man who can live in the present not allowing past experiences to affect my judgment. How did u start when u first started out and how were u able to build such a strong support group along the way?? My experiences is that most men with women issues are usually very private including myself and would never admit to another man they have issues in this area so I’m definitle stepping out of my comfort zone right now. Thanks for reading my comment if u even got this far.